GNOs

i know this is totally random - can we talk for a minute about girls nights? girls nights after you're married and have kid(s), specifically.

why do i have such a hard time with girls nights?!?!?!

it's a question i keep asking myself. i sent that question in a text to one of my sisters the other day, and she responded very seriously and literally and told me a few reasons why it might be hard for me. and then proceeded to tell me how she feels pretty much exactly how i do on the subject, and i felt a lot better. and i remembered why she's my fav sister ;) we must be related or something.

it's so weird. i have some great girlfriends. ones i've known since i was a wee one. these girls have been through it with me - all of the ups and downs of everything from junior high 'love' to engagement break-offs to marrying the right guy to having babies. i love these girls. they know me. and i know them. and i always have a good time when i do spend time with them. yet, at this stage in my life, when we plan a girls night (dinner, a movie, just a low-key hangout at someones house, whatever it is), 9 times out of 10 i end up not going. and as silly as it sounds, i am truly trying to understand why i do this!

we plan something and it sounds fun. and i am genuinely excited about it. and i put it on my calendar in my phone and tell jae i'm having a girls night that day and it's all good. and then the day gets closer and then the day comes and then all of a sudden i am anxious about it and don't really feel like i want to go. prime example: my friends planned a little shindig the other night. i was planning to go. for weeks, it was the plan. then the day before and the day of came and i just was off all day. i was grumpy with my kids for no good reason, i was finding reasons to be annoyed at jae, i was stressing about getting this done or that done. i texted my sister the above question and we talked about it. and then i finally realized maybe it was because of being gone to the girls night that night. that was causing me stress. so i texted my friends and told them i couldn't make it. and after that, the rest of my day just kind of felt easier. i wasn't worried about stuff, i was able to be more patient with my girls, we planned something fun to do with dad when he got home from work...it was the weirdest. i am the weirdest.

there's just something about taking time away from my own little family. spending money (always a stressful, anxiety-filled subject for me, no matter what, i swear!) and spending time doing something that doesn't involve jae and/or my girls when i could be spending time with them (ie i'm not working and jae's not working) stresses me out. i don't like it. it makes me uneasy. and it's not like i'm worried about anything at home - obviously jae is more than capable of taking care of the girls and himself without me. it's not because they need me there. but i would just miss being there. or something. just writing this out makes me feel like a crazy person. i mean, of course it's not crazy to want to spend time with your family, but a few hours once every few weeks with my bffs shouldn't be so hard!?!

maybe it's because i'm a working mom and i'm already gone, missing dinner and bedtime three nights a week. maybe it's because i feel like it takes a lot of work to keep up on jae's and my relationship now that there are two little people that have taken over our life and i relish every minute we get together.

sometimes i think it would be a good thing for me to go and get out of the house and do something with girls i love that doesn't involve breastfeeding or wrestling toddlers to get them dressed or wiping snotty noses or singing abc's or daniel tiger. and honestly, it probably would be a good thing for me. like i said, when i do go to such events, i do have a good time! i enjoy the company of my friends! i almost always stay later and longer than i originally plan! we laugh and eat and have a good times together! i love these people. so again....i don't know.

all i know is i struggle with it most every time. the struggle is real! it doesn't necessarily make sense to me, and sometimes i need to just let it go and go have fun. but it is real, and i needed to just get that out.

i love you, my friends. sorry i'm weird.

st. george, may 2016

a few weeks ago we managed to squeeze 10 adults and 10 kids in one condo for a weekend! it was a little bit crazy and a lot of fun.

we spent the weekend eating, hiking, fishing, playing games, swimming, and just enjoying the warm weather and good friends. the mommas even snuck away for pedicures, leaving all the kids with the men. more than once before this trip i just about called it and was going to bail. life gets in the way sometimes, ya know? but i just really wanted this weekend away with friends and i knew gracie would have a blast with all the other little kids (which she did) so we made it happen and i'm glad we did.

on the road! both girls actually did really well both ways.

digging for rock treasures at glitter mountain

post pedicures

gracie was a pretty good little hiker. she's not had much experience hiking - we need to get her out more this summer. she even "peed in the bushes!" it was awesome. totally proud mom moment ;)

found a frog (toad?) in the pond area we stopped at. the kids traumatized it for sure.

we made up our own version of telestrations one night after the kids went to bed. it got pretty interesting!
a couple of the best ones of the night that had us rolling.

the whole gang! (minus baby juniper). not exactly in focus, but the best we could get. 

surprise birthday bash.

(yes, i started this post in february, and yes i'm just barely finishing it and yes i'm still going to post it anyway).

well it happened again.
we had another year go by and another birthday to celebrate!
jae's on the 21st, mine on the 22nd.
but this year, jae turned the big 30!!!

he was less than thrilled about that number. but i have a feeling it'll be a good year for him :)
i decided it was a good year to do something a little extra special for him. i've never tried to surprise him for his birthday before, so i wanted to try it! i was so nervous it wouldn't work out - either he'd find out or no one would show up or something. but it actually turned out pretty perfect and i think he really enjoyed his night, which made me super happy too :)

basically, i had one of his besties help me out by spreading the surprise info to all the other friends. i told him specifically who i definitely wanted invited, and then told him to just invite anyone else who i'd forgotten or who he thought jae might enjoy seeing. we did this about a month in advance and then another reminder the week of. i was just so worried people would forget or not show!

after throwing around a few different ideas, we ended up just meeting everyone at the Garage in SLC. yes, it's a bar and we don't drink, but we've heard rave reviews on their food, so it's somewhere we've had on our list to try for a long time. plus it was a good central location for everyone that was coming so it worked out perfect.

all i told him was that we were going out on a special date. his mom came to babysit and we headed to SLC. he tried guessing a few different places of where we might go to dinner, but he failed. just as we were about to pull up to the Garage, he guessed it and i told him yes. he was surprised, but excited.

we walked in and i kind of pulled jae behind me to the back patio (neither of us had ever been so he was kind of confused where i was going, but i just acted like i was checking out the place). we got out back and i pushed him ahead of me to the patio area and everyone was there and said surprise! haha nothing was really actually planned for that part but it turned out great and he was super surprised! yay!! there ended up being around 20 people come and i was so happy. since being  married and then having a baby, jae doesn't get to see or hang out with his guy friends a whole lot, so i really wanted to make this something fun that was all about him and something he would really enjoy doing. it was so fun for me to just kind of hang back and watch him just hang out and talk and catch up with everyone. it was super laid back and casual, which was exactly what i was going for.

and yes, after all that planning and scheming and work behind the scenes, i only took one picture the whole night. i guess that just means it was too fun to worry about pulling out the camera :)

happy 30th my love! you're amazing and handsome as ever and i love you most.

PS...i have to add these in at the bottom since they are birthday-ish related.

these were taken at our Horrocks birthday lunch. gracie with her cousin jack (who's only 9 months older than her but a giant next to her!) and her super fun uncle jaron. aren't they cute? (i realize the picture quality is pretty terrible, dangit)

for our birthdays this year, we went on an IKEA trip and bought ourselves a couple of new dressers as well as a shelf and drawers/storage for gracie's accumulating toys, books, puzzles, etc. happy birthday to us! gracie was getting sick of IKEA (it can be a rough, long trip even for an adult) so this was the only way to help her stay pleasant for the rest of the trip.

my co-workers really went all out :)

and my cute message waiting for me on the bathroom mirror. love mirror messages.

wednesday night date night.

jae scored 4 tickets to the jazz vs cavs game last night. i was excited to go and get away for a couple hours with him, but i was also thinking ugh a late basketball game on a wednesday night after i worked all day and the night before?? i'm exhausted already!

we invited some friends, got a babysitter (thank you chelsea!!) and went for it. i am SO glad we did.

the game was pretty packed and so much fun. let me just give you a little play-by-play....

the jazz were ahead most the game until the 3rd quarter hit (of course) when things started falling apart. by the end of the 4th quarter, it got down to 100-97 (jazz ahead) when lebron james got "fouled" shooting a 3 pointer (it was so not a foul, by the way). of course, he made all 3 free throws, so it was tied at 100 with like 4 seconds left of the game. jazz inbounded, hayward got the ball, shot off a 3 pointer at literally the last second and made it! jazz win!!!!!

you guys. the arena exploded.

it was beyond awesome and loud (hello, ears ringing!) and there was just such a high energy taking over the whole place. i know, i know. it was just a jazz game and let's be real - they're not great and probably won't win very many games in the future. but that's not the point. for me (and i'm guessing jae too) it was just such a very much needed break. a time away from home and our sweet girl (although i had a lot of anxiety leaving her & texted chelsea the whole time). and we had so much fun. i haven't seen jae smile that big in a while.

even though gracie had a rough time at 6am this morning and i've been at work all stinking day, it's been such a better day than i've had in the last couple of weeks. i just feel renewed and happy and motivated again. all because of a date to the jazz game. weird.

but i'll take it.

derby.

a few weeks ago we went with a group of friends to the davis county demolition derby. i've been to one or two in the past, but it always seems new & exciting to me. well, usually only super exciting when they're crashing into eachother and rolling other cars around. and then there's the people watching...

anyway we all had a great time and were on the second row, so a clear view of all the fun vroom vrooming going on. at one point, we even had some dirt come flying at us from a crash right on front of us, and jae got a mouthful of it. he was not expecting that at all and it was pretty hilarious.

it was all fun and games, that is, until this happened...

it was the truck round, and they were doing there demo derby thing, when one truck hit another on the side and rolled it over to it's side. this is all very exciting and everyone cheers and the crowd loves that stuff. but then, just as one of the derby worker dudes was over to help the rolled truck's driver get out and shut off the gas to ensure no nasty spills happened, the weight shifted just enough that the truck that pushed the other truck over rolled back off of it, making the truck that was rolled, roll back down flat onto it's side. that probably doesn't make much sense, but basically the derby helper guy got landed on by the truck that had been rolled over. we weren't really sure what all had happened until swarms of people were running over and working together to try to lift the truck off this man. we could then clearly see the man laying flat on his stomach, not moving.

long story short, the fire truck came, the ambulance came, they worked for a good 15-20 minutes to get the guy stable and onto the gurney and into the ambulance. then life flight landed in the field behind the arena and they worked another few minutes just to get him transferred over to the helicopter.

at that point, we left. most people had or were leaving.

it was pretty unreal.
we found out the next morning, the man died from his injuries to his head.

just makes me realize more and more that you never know when tragic things like this can and will happen. it's totally out of our hands, and when it's someone's time, it's their time. it's all part of a bigger plan and we just have to try to live our life as fully as we can and never take anything (or anyone) for granted.

girls night out.

the other day, one of my besties mary and i had a little ladies night out.
just a random wednesday, middle of the week, night out. why not, right?
it was fun :)

it included pedicures and baskin robbins and lots of chit chat. excellent.
(i would show you picture of our nicely manicured toes, but then you'd have to see how largely puffy my feet are, especially next to mary's miniature, petite feet. so i'll spare you this time. you're welcome.)

{ps: 39 weeks!}

{pps: there were totally bits & pieces of snow on top of my car this morning. boohoo.}

{ppps: happy friday & happy conference weekend!}

baby shower ~ friends.

my lovely bff mary hosted a baby shower for me for all my friends to come and spoil baby girl and myself. and spoil, they did :)

we got everything from clothes (of course!) to binkies to diapers to burp cloths to sheets to baby spoons to bottles to baby shampoo to itty bitty teeny tiny baby girl bracelets! i have awesome friends. it's for sure.

{a little peek at the two names we can't decide between..}

i probably should've gotten more pictures with more people (or just of the rest of the people there), not to mention with the host herself, but i didn't (mary - you have one of us right??). it was lots of fun seeing everyone and getting caught up with people i hardly ever see. this little girl has got so much love already, it's amazing.

thanks again to mary and everyone that came :) loved it.

tbt: first kiss

for those that don't read the life of bon, she does a throwback thursday post each week with a new topic assigned to each week. this week is first kiss!

i don't usually write stuff about my past on here, but i guess why not? it's supposed to be a record of me and my life (and jae's life and zoey's life...). i'm not very good with remembering specific details like others are (i wish i was!). maybe that's why i don't write more often about the past? especially at this time in my life called "i'm pregnant and lost half my brain cells", who knows how good my memory will serve me, but we'll see how it goes.

my first kiss was when i was about 13(ish. torrie & kayla - is that how old we were?). i guess if you want to get technical, my neighbor and good buddy jordan and i used to touch tongues through the fences separating our backyards when we were like 5. yes, you heard me right - touch tongues. weird right? not sure why or how or what inspired us to do that. but we did. not really kissing though, plus we were 5. doesn't count. and then there was the time my buddy brian and i kissed because "we were in a movie and we had to kiss for the movie". but again - when you're under the age of 12, does it really count as a real first kiss?

i think not.

so back to the age of 13. his name was also brian. imagine that. he happened to be the cousin of one of my best friends, and he lived in texas, so we only saw him during the summers when he'd come to visit for a couple weeks.

{the oldest picture i could find at the moment....high school graduation - me, rach, torrie, kayla}

anyway brian didn't actually like me. he liked our other friend, torrie. i knew this and torrie knew this and everyone else knew this. he flirted and tried to win torrie over, but she wasn't having any of it. not interested. i don't know if i really liked brian or if i made myself think i liked him and want to win him over just because i knew he was way into torrie and not me, but it's all the same in the end, i guess.

so when brian realized it wasn't going anywhere with torrie, he decided i was an alright second option, and "liked" me. again - who knows if he really liked me or not (i'm leaning towards not), but it didn't matter to me at the time, anyway. i remember one 24th of july specifically, we had all gone up to the park at st. olaf's (if you don't know bountiful, utah, then i'm sorry, you won't know these places. but just go with it) to watch the mueller park jr high fireworks. it was dark and we were waiting for them to start, and brian had drawn in the sand a giant heart with what i think was a B+M in it (i think...again - my memory is fuzzy). i vividly remember the heart, though, and i remember getting all twitterpated and blushing and thinking 'yay, he likes me!!'.

there was some hand holding and awkward arm-around-shoulder cuddling that went on and i was just loving it. then one night, we were walking around the elementary school just down the street from our houses. again, it was evening time and getting dark outside, and torrie and kayla were there, but took off on their own to give us some 'alone time'. {oh my, this is so ridiculous just remembering it.} we walked around holding hands, talking about who knows what, and finally decided to sit on the back steps of the school. we talked some more, and i vaguely remember i thought torrie and kayla were over to the side, hiding in the shadows of the trees. so there we sat, on the steps of the school just chit chatting. i don't remember details of what was said. probably a little of 'i like you' and 'i like you too' mush. and finally he went in for a kiss. honestly i don't remember many details except it was weird and i didn't know what i was doing really but i could tell he didn't either. it didn't last long. i was a little unsure about the kiss, but i was happy and excited about this boy and that we 'liked' each other.

that little relationship was (very) short lived. he went back home to texas and nothing else ever happened. i think the next summers when he came to visit were awkward and neither of us really wanted much to do with each other. i think in the back of my mind, i knew he never really liked me, he really just liked torrie. i was the second choice. and he just wanted to kiss someone.

and that was that.
not the most exciting first kiss story, but there ya go. first kisses and junior high and relationships when you're that young are just weird and awkward and meant to be that way, right?
good times.

get-together that lasted all of 5 minutes.

last weekend, a few of my friends from high school (and before) got together while some out-of-towners were in town! mary was gracious enough to host (and in letting me steal a couple pictures...thanks mary!). but you know how these things work - it's so hard to find a day/time (especially in the summer) when everyone can be there. it just is! life is busy. so the night that worked best for everyone else in the group was the night we had plans with my family already. boo. but we were able to make a quick stop and say hello to everyone for a few minutes before meeting up with my family. it was fun to see faces that we only see maybe once a year and catch up real quick :)

burgers & cards & 70+ degree weather.

we had the most gorgeous spring weekend. everyone in utah has already talked about it via fb, blog, whatever else......but i must chime in. they're all telling the truth! it was amaaaazing!!!!

we had a fun, busy, happy saturday together, just Jae, pup, and i. we joined in the bbq-ing fun for dinner saturday night at the oveson's. then played cards (i love playing cards. torrie - hand and foot??! i'm dying to play it!)

sunday was another lovely day. sleeping in, church, after-church nap, multiple NBA play-off games, pre-dinner walk with pup, dinner at home just us, then bedtime for all of us. we were pooped from our awesome weekend :)

and then, in typical monday morning fashion.....as Jae and i were getting ready for work this morning, i spotted a mouse. IN OUR HOUSE. (yes, i realize that rhymes, but no, it's not funny or on purpose or me trying to be smart....the fact is there was a mouse in our house.) i saw it, and turned around babbling something not totally coherent about a mouse in our house, and Jae said 'uh yeah, i saw that too'. i later noticed the little stink again in our kitchen, and it went under the door into our spare bedroom/nursery. i ever so carefully blockaded the entire doorway, as well as the doorways into the kitchen, just to make sure it wouldn't get out to another part of the house. we'll see what it all looks like when we get home....SO GROSS.

hawaii.

we spent a lovely week on the island of Oahu. we stayed in Ko Olina, to be more specific....we were surrounded by multiple super nice resorts. we went with our cute friends Cody and Stephanie Hale, and they were basically our personal tour guides, since we've never been and they've been multiple times. we had a big nice pool area, and our own beach right outside our hotel, but we spent most of the days driving to the north shore side of the island to explore other beaches.

i could take this trip and break it up in different posts, but honestly - that sounds like way too much work right now. so i'll just tell you this - outside of spending time at our own resorts pool and beach, we spent time snorkeling in Hanauma Bay, watching the biggest waves we've ever seen at Waimea Bay, hiking to Maunawili Falls, watching whales jump out of the water (!!!), at the LDS temple and PCC in Laie, eating (a lot), walking around the swap meet, watching late night movies (and falling asleep every time), annnd in the car driving to all of these fun places (aka a lot of time spent on the Kamehameha highway). we made multiple stops for shaved ice, had more than one excellent burger, the best super nachos of my life, and a giant breakfast called a Loco Moco that Jae was told we had to try. so try we did. and it was definitely worth it. i just might have to do another post on all the food itself. it really does deserve its own post.

anyway! onto the pictures.........
{there are a lot...good luck with that.}

view from our condo.

Pali lookout. SO unbelievably windy. it doesn't look so bad til you get up there. recommendation: don't wear a skirt or have your hair down. no bueno, i tell you.

super nachos at killer tacos!! craving some right now.

the waves were HUGE.

body surfing.

matsumoto's shaved ice. yes, please.

hike to maunawili falls

that was Jae's jump. i sort of missed it...whoops.

A WHALE! JUMPING! OUT OF THE WATER!! and i got a picture. it was pretty spectacular.

snorkeling at haunama bay. snorkel gear is so attractive.

pineapple ice cream!

loco moco. Jae had never tried it before, but craves this frequently since then.

my delicious french toast. i get french toast everywhere i go.

our last afternoon was spent at this lovely LDS temple. gorgeous day and gorgeous temple.