six months.

baby girl is halfway to her first birthday.
i absolutely love watching her grow and learn and seeing more and more of her personality.
i absolutely hate the thought of her getting older and not being my baby anymore.

*eating more and more foods every day (and liking most all of them!)
*loves watching the Zo pup and tries to grab her tail and play tug-o-war with her rope
*just this past week or so she's been sitting up by herself like a pro
*her ankles and wrists have some seriously deep dimply chubby skin and i love it
*she laughs and squaks and yells and giggles
*she loves playing with toys - her ruffly butterfly is her favorite
*she seems to be seriously teething now (something her momma is not ready for); though none have popped through yet
*she loves to find her toes and pull them up to suck on them whenever she can
*she throws her tiny arms around your neck and gives hugs. or at least her best version of a hug. and buries her face in your shoulder/neck. sweetest thing ever
*she is SO SWEET

15 lbs (33%)
24.5" tall (12%)

happy 6 months, my sweet gracie jane.


a perfect mommy moment.

since Sunday, Gracie has not been feeling her best. She had a terribly runny nose come out of nowhere, a weird little cough, a red bum (she very rarely has any sort of diaper rash), and she was just generally louder and whinier than usual. I thought about all these symptoms and can't help but feel like she might be teething. Which I am not ready for. I wouldn't mind if her teeth didn't come until 10 months honestly! I might be wrong, but they say teeth can take a good while to come in and she's been a drool case for a couple months now.

Anyway the last couple mornings she's woken up stuffy and congested as ever and I just feel terrible. She hasn't been sleeping well and she's just a mess! And I've just been feeling so inadequate as a new mom lately. So to try to help her, I decided to stick her in the bathroom and turn on the hot shower to steam the room up and hopefully just clear her up a bit. Well she wasn't thrilled with that and wasn't calming down like I had hoped. So, after sitting on the bathroom floor for a few minutes and listening to her be upset, as weird as it may sound, I decided to just pick her up and get in the shower with her.

One of the best decisions I could've made. She wasn't very happy at first but she calmed down after a couple minutes and was just completely quiet. I rocked her, talked to her, rubbed her back. Even nursed her. She was sleepy and comfy and warm and her eye lids were heavy. But she just stared up at me. She let me cuddle her the whole time, even when she wasn't nursing. She never does that anymore. She just stared and put her pudgy little fingers up to my face. It was totally quiet except for the sound of the water. It was one of the sweetest, most tender moments we have ever had.

Before I knew it, tears started filling my eyes. I knew that choice to pick her up and take her in the shower with me was exactly what we both needed today. I just felt an overwhelming feeling of love for her. It was just such a perfect moment and I know I will never forget it.

*pictures compliments of torrie lynn


making up for a missed opportunity.

(no, none of these pictures have anything to do with anything)
yesterday was fast sunday for us. sometimes fast sunday rolls around and i feel perfectly content sitting in my seat for the whole meeting, listening to others share their thoughts.

and then sometimes i get the nervous, sweaty-palms pressure and i feel like i need to get up and make the long walk to the stand to share my thoughts.

and what usually happens is i get up there and have all these things i want to say and then i start crying basically before i even say 3 words and it's just downhill from there.

well yesterday during the meeting, i felt ok and just enjoyed listening to others and playing with gracie, trying to keep her occupied (1pm church...the WORST). anyway, jae ended up taking gracie out to the foyer so i was all alone. that nervous feeling started and i started racking my brain for what on earth i might have to share.

anyway, i ended up talking myself out of it. i just really hate getting up there and then i just cry and no one can hardly understand what i'm even trying to say and jae just looks at me like "yes of course you cried again but yes of course i still love you". i just want to get up and say something just one time without blubbering my way through it. ONE TIME! so i didn't get up. and then naturally i felt dumb and guilty and i should've just done it. so i made a deal with myself that i'd go home and blog about what i wanted to say. i need to express my thoughts somehow, and if i won't allow myself to get up and do it when so urged in front of a group of people, i'll do it here.

basically i just am feeling super overwhelmed. like, 97% of the time. being a new mommy, going back to work, trying to juggle those two things (as if they aren't enough!) with "regular" life - grocery shopping, cleaning the house, not being totally anti-social, being a wife, having enough money to pay bills, making sure zoey doesn't feel completely abandoned or lonely....it's all just so completely overwhelming. but it doesn't have to affect us unless we let it. that's what i'm starting to learn, anyway. but there are those small moments (perhaps few and far between..) that i feel like 'hey, i've got this! things are under control and i know what i'm doing!' and thank heaven for those small moments. they are what get me through. they are what remind me that i'm not alone. that i'm headed in the right direction. that i'm making at least SOME good choices. and for now, that is good enough.

yes, i need to make an effort and i need strive to do my best. but that's all i can do - my best. and that's ok.



i decided it might help me to stay on top of my blogging by doing (at least) a monthly blog update. just to help remind me of what we've done during each month and all the big and little things I want to remember.

so after our anniversary, the rest of January was spent:

cleaning up blow-outs! miss gracie jane started wearing a bigger sized diaper shortly after this :)

gracie spending lots of playtime with her cousins every week

celebrating zoey's 2nd birthday!

taking millions of pictures of gracie


zoey and gracie spent time bonding over tummy time

after multiple failed attempts at getting gracie to take a binky (this pic is one of the maybe three times she actually took it), she finally just decided her thumb was what she wanted

zo helping jae do a puzzle

praciticing holding onto toys (and eating them of course)

lots of daddy snuggles and reading stories

gracie practicing napping in her crib (doesn't usually last very long)

and a picture of my three favorites!


celebrating 4 years.

we celebrated our 4 year anniversary two months ago now....

since we had a 2.5 month old and not a lot of extra time to get away, i planned a stay-cation for us to celebrate this year.

we started it out with some five guys.

then we headed downtown SLC to the Grand America where we just hung out. no big plans (well, i did want to go swimming since it would be Gracie's first time at the pool, but turns out they charge an extra $10 just to go swimming.....i wasn't up for that, especially considering who knew with Gracie if we would be there for an hour or 5 minutes). we did stop at a couple shops in the hotel and got some chocolate covered strawberries and gelato. SO good.

we took Gracie with us for a few reasons, and i was glad we did. it didn't in any way make our celebrating not fun. i probably would've just been stressing over her and how she was if we had left her with someone. and besides, she's super cute so we just took lots of pictures of her :) (and none of us! haha)

this was just hilarious....she kept leaning too far over and then she'd just slowly slide til she fell all the way over on her side. she wouldn't cry or get upset - just look at me like 'uh....guys..'

she's been one of the best things about our life and our marriage so far, so why not celebrate with her, right?
oh - we did go to dinner too that night. olive garden. Gracie wasn't super happy during dinner, so it was short and sweet.

here's to the next 4 years, and the next 4 after that!


pink sneaks & a 5 moment memoir.

last sunday, baby girl changed out of her nice church dress right into her pink polka dot sneakers.
i think she loves them.
i mean, look at that happy face!

although, turns out putting shoes like this on tiny, uncooperative baby feet is harder than you'd think.

.1. got up to feed a hungry baby girl around 6am. within about 20 minutes she was a full, sleepy baby girl. i love those early morning feedings when it's just barely getting light enough to leave the light off and it's so quiet in the house and just me and the babe in the rocking chair, snuggling. then i put her back in her bed and crawled back in to my bed to snuggle with the pup and jae.

.2. jae played a church bball game this morning. i always love going to watch him doing something that he enjoys like playing ball. even if i'm the only wife/cheerleader there!

.3. gracie is just barely waking from an almost 2 hour nap. WOW. any naps over about 45 min almost never happen! and what did i do the whole time she napped? laundry? dishes? nope. i did a bunch of nothing. and it was great.

.4. i did just eat a bowl (ok, two bowls) of white chicken chili soup that i made last night. yummm.

.5. now that it's after 1pm, i'm thinking about curling my hair and putting some make up on :) that should about do it for today, i'd say.

happy extra long president's day weekend!


gracie's nursery.

i've never posted the finished product of gracie's nursery. i went through lots of color schemes and decided i liked the idea of greys, whites, pinks, and yellows. so that's what it is. girly but not over-the-top girly. perhaps a little too pink for her daddy's liking at times, but i think it turned out pretty cute!

(although i failed to get a picture of her cute changing table.....*sigh* another day..)

(ps..that big bear in her crib was my bear when i was little. got it for christmas from my uncle when i was about 6, and now it's miss gracie's to cuddle with. it's still as soft as ever!)