lola: 2 months.

miss lola turned two months old last week. i am not sure where the last two months went, but i am even more unsure where the entire last year went. seriously, sometimes it feels like i hardly remember being pregnant.

lola is healthy and growing and so wonderful to have in our home. she's a major happy spot for me (for us all, i think) and i am so grateful for her little spirit. i've found i can enjoy her more. even though i'm busier than ever with two little girls and the rest of life, i am not so crazily anxious like i was in the beginning with gracie. and that has been a huge blessing i wasn't expecting.

lola likes her baths until it's time to get out and it's too chilly. then she screams. she doesn't like to be swaddled (neither did her sister) but loves to just be cuddly in her blanket. she takes a binky! gracie did not, so this is new territory for us. she has dark eyes that don't appear to be changing at all. her pretty lashes have shown up and are dark and lovely (she got those from her daddy for sure). one of my favorite parts of her is her toes. sounds strange, but they're just so long and petite and i love them! lola loves to just lay on the floor and look around and make noise and smile at any faces that pop up in her field of vision. it's so fun that she so much more 'interactive' now. she currently sleeps in a rock n play next to my bed and will give me usually one 4-5 hour stretch, and then a smaller 2-3 hour one. she's a good eater and a good spitter-upper ;) she often has a furrowed little brow and looks so concerned. it is super cute. many people say she looks just like gracie did. when i look back at pictures of gracie at the same age, i agree, they do look similar. but when i'm just looking at her, i see so much more of jae in her than i ever saw in gracie. i'm not sure i can pinpoint exactly what it is. but i think she looks a lot like her daddy (and i love it).

lola now weighs 10, almost 11lbs and is just getting so big! people see her and comment on how tiny she still is, but i feel like she's gotten so big since birth. she's much more aware, much more alert, smiling and talking all the time. i LOVE it! she already has the sweetest personality. and she loves her momma :)

now for even more picture overload...


goodbye & hello.

another year over, another year beginning.

it's strange to me that we're now in 2016. i mean, 2005 doesn't seem like it was that long ago, does it? but it was 11 years ago, and that seems like a long time. time is a weird thing.

i don't have the time or energy to spend on a complete recap month-by-month of the least year (although i wish i had documented it a little more completely, but life, ya know?)

**so we started 2015 still recovering from the heartache of losing our sweet baby a couple months before. it was a long hard few weeks but we were feeling ready to start the new year and not have too many expectations and just see where the year took us.

**in the middle of march, i started a new full time job at LDS and also kept my part time job at primary children's. another time in my life when something just kind of randomly happened that i wasn't necessarily expecting or looking for, but it happened and i just took it as a time to trust the bigger plan for me. it was a hard transition for the rest of the year to say the least.

**on april 1st (of course) we found out we were expecting again. i was equally crazy excited and happy as i was terrified of losing the baby again. we just tried to stay positive and rely on our faith to remember so much of it was out of our hands.

**come june, jae randomly mentioned his curiosity to see what kind of equity we had in our house (we bought our house 4 years prior and completely gutted and remodeled it). i decided to indulge and talked to our neighbor/friend/realtor about an appraisal. within about 3 weeks (and after much deliberation and prayer and back and forth), we had our house listed on the market (not to mention under contract within a week). it was totally out of nowhere and kind of a little crazy. we had no idea we'd be selling our house or where we'd even move to.

**after the first offer falling through, going back on the market, and getting another offer less than a week later, we closed on our house the beginning of september. after a LOT of house hunting during that time (but nothing working out), still not quite sure what we had gotten ourselves into or why or what we were going to do from there, a few things started to fall into place. we moved into my sister's rental house and made plans to buy my grandparents house (they both passed away a few years ago - it's a long story).

**once we moved into my sister's house and finally had a better vision for what the future looked like (sort of), i felt like i could finally put more time into focusing on this new baby that was coming. and coming soon! it seems like i hardly remember or experienced this pregnancy because there was just so much going on. october and most of november came and went, and our lives were changed again on the 27th of november with the addition of little lola.

**we closed on our new house december 4th (lola was one week old). it's been a process working to get the house cleaned up and demo done and remodels started (yes, it's another project house. more on that later). there is still much to be done and we're not sure on an exact timeline for moving in.

**christmas came and went and was as magical as i imagined with a brand new heaven sent newborn to snuggle.

i'm not great at resolutions or tackling lofty goals. so i've learned i do best when i make a list of a few simple goals for the year for myself personally and for our family. i was able to check everything off my list for 2015.

here's what i wrote down for 2016:
.remodel & move into new house 
.temple once a month (either by myself or with jae)
.go on a family vacation
.family prayer at least 3 times a week 
.be healthy
.meal plan/make dinner at least 3-4 times a week 
.be present

here's to a happy, healthy (less eventful) new year.


number six.

today is jae's and my 6th wedding anniversary. it's hard to remember life before him, yet i often stop to wonder how we're old enough to be buying houses and having babies.

there are always ups and downs in life and in marriage, but i can't say there's been too much to complain about the last six years. i got lucky with this guy, and i wouldn't have anything any other way. 

in the last 6 years, we've:
.had 12 jobs (we've both had multiple jobs at once {which is a terrible idea, by the way})
.owned 2 homes
.had 1 dog
.moved (soon to be) 5 times
.lived in 2 cities (wow, we're living life on the edge!)
.gone on amazing trips (china, california, malaysia, singapore, new hampshire, hawaii)
.owned 5 vehicles 
.owned and sold 1 business
.had 2 BEAUTIFUL babies

can't wait for the adventures ahead!

{this was post-cake smash, hence the white stuff all over :)}


LOLA GREY: a birth story.

lola grey was born friday november 27, 2015 at 208pm
weighed 7lbs 8oz, stretched 19 inches long

the backstory:
as i was nearing the end of my pregnancy, i knew i wasn't going to last much past my due date, if even til that. i delivered gracie at 41 weeks. this entire pregnancy progressed much faster than gracie's. the contractions i had for weeks and weeks were so strong and intense that many times i swore my water was just going to break any minute, the pressure was so much. so at 38 weeks, when i went in for my appt, i knew i wanted to talk induction. my dr told me she was totally fine to induce at 39 weeks or later if i wanted to (bless you doctor!!). since 39 weeks was the day before thanksgiving, i knew that wouldn't be the right time. but i was fully ready to commit to later that weekend or even just a day or two before my due date sounded amazing to me. at that appointment, i was dilated to a 3 and about 60% effaced, and my dr, mom, and jae all were pretty convinced i'd likely go into labor before then. my mom talked about how she wouldn't be surprised if she was a november baby, not a december one (my due date was dec 2nd). part of me thought the same just because of the way my pregnancy had gone (i was barely dilated to a 2 at 41 weeks with gracie, so it was just all a bit fast forward this time compared). but part of me also didn't want to believe it, just because i didn't want to make those last few days any harder than necessary by being convinced i'd go earlier than what really happened. anyway! long story short, we set an induction date for dec 1st, just a day before my due date. i was happy and content with that and honestly happy to have the thanksgiving weekend to enjoy and get a few more things ticked off the to-do list pre-tiny baby.

then came wednesday the 25th (day before thanksgiving). i went for my 39 week appointment and i had high blood pressure. i had had high blood pressure the week before too. they checked my blood pressure again before i left my appointment and it was still high. technically, all it takes is two high resting blood pressures with so much time apart for the worry of preeclampsia to come up. which it did. my dr came back in and we chatted and she explained that it could totally be nothing, but with me at 39 weeks and baby girl essentially fully developed by that time, it didn't make sense to keep her in longer and risk something bad happening for no real reason. so we decided to put me on the monitor for awhile and check my fluid levels in my placenta and if everything there looked ok, then she'd let me go another day and get to eat thanksgiving dinner at home with family. so we did that, and everything with baby looked great, so we set up an induction for that friday the 27th instead of the following tuesday. ummm wow! that got real super quick! ok then. a baby in less than two days. i called jae and then my parents and we started planning for friday.

the birth day:
we called labor and deliver that friday morning at 6am, and were told to come in at 730am. of course we stayed up too late the night before and were running late that morning, so we actually got to l&d at 750am. a few people asked me the day before if i was nervous at all. i told them then and jae and i talked about it again on the drive into the hospital, i really didn't feel any nervousness. i was calm about it and just looking forward to having the day to labor and be with jae and meet our little girl. just the whole experience. i was maybe a little hopeful, i guess, that the pushing part would be easier and go much smoother this time than with gracie (pushed for 3 hours - she was facing the wrong way and just got super stuck in my hips). this little girl had shown her face (literally) a couple times during the last couple weeks of my pregnancy, facing up the same way gracie had been. so we just really hoped she behaved and stayed not only head down, but face down too!

we got things going and started me on the pitocin by 845am. i was still dilated to a 3 at that point. by about 11am, i was dilated to a 4 and my dr got there to break my water. and wow, did my water break! i won't go into too many gory details, but at least for me to remember (as if i will forget) it was like i had two giant waters that broke - one then and one again half an hour later. we could not believe the amount of water! my nurse couldn't help but just laugh because it was just so much! ok enough about the water.

things started getting more intense and painful then, but still not bad. by about 1230pm, i was dilated to a 5 and 100% effaced. i had been up sitting on the birthing ball and walking/rocking in the room with jae to lean on during contractions, which was so nice to be able to 'labor', even though i was being induced and on pitocin. with gracie, i was induced and on pitocin and i literally didn't leave my bed the entire day except once or twice to go to the bathroom. it was not how i imagined laboring, and knew i didn't want the same thing this time around. thank goodness my nurse was awesome and hooked me up to the portable monitor so i could be up and about whenever i wanted. i realized around that same time that the contractions, while still bearable, were going to be soon unbearable for me. it's hard to know when to cry 'epidural!' and when you think you can still go for awhile. things just can change so fast. my nurse said the anesthesiologist was just going to do another epidural then so it'd be at least 15 minutes til he could come do mine. so i decided it was time to get me in line!

{sidenote: i got further along in my contractions and labor this time than with gracie as far as when i got my epidural. it was pretty intense and jae was such an amazing rock for me. doing whatever i asked him to - rubbing my back, letting me lean on him, on the birth ball, off the birth ball, holding my hands, getting me sips of water, moving monitor wires - everything. he talked me through the hard painful times and was supportive and perfect for me during my laboring and delivery time. i am so grateful for those hours of just us two alone during all of that. it was another piece that added to our amazing day.}

i did get my epidural about 15-20 minutes after that, and that i am so grateful for. i was so happy to labor and feel it all up til that point, but i was at my limit and things were pretty rough for a few minutes there. the anesthesiologist was a rockstar and super quick and i was soon feeling much more comfortable.

by about 115pm i was dilated to an 8, and after another 30 minutes, i was fully dilated and ready to go! my nurse came to check me and actually didn't even have to - "oh well there's her head! so yeah you're ready!" were her words. best words ever!

my dr came in and they got the room set up for delivery. i started pushing at 2pm and sweet lola grey came at 208pm. four pushes! eight minutes! compared to the three hours and countless pushes with gracie, it was a breeze. i was so so grateful and was able to actually enjoy it.

we did skin to skin and jae cut the cord and it was quiet, with the afternoon light coming in the window. it was the closest to a perfect delivery i can imagine. honestly it was such a peaceful, happy, beautiful day bringing our sweet baby girl into the world.

i will never forget it.


thoughts on pregnancy #2 (vol. 4)

How far along? 39 weeks. and feeling every one of those weeks.
Maternity Clothes? yes and i'm over it.
Sleep: between the heartburn/acid reflux that's found it's way back in my life the last couple of weeks and the small, smooshed bladder and the ginormous belly to haul around when trying to switch sides and the pain in my back by morning - not so much.
Best moment this week: jae got to come to my OB appt with me this time (he's only made it to maybe two of them this pregnancy), so that is always fun when he's there with me. also, i was sitting in the rocking chair with gracie the other night, getting ready to read stories before bed, and baby sister was kicking and pushing some sort of limb out of my belly (or at least that's what it felt like). anyway i had gracie put her hand on my belly and feel it, and little sister kind of kicked her. gracie got a big grin on her face and i think she really did feel it and was both excited but confused ;) it's hard to know how real this all is for a 2 year old, but in that moment, it felt pretty real and that was exciting and sweet.
Miss Anything? fitting in (any) clothes. 
Movement: she's definitely running out of room in there, but she still manages to ram body parts into my ribs or bladder or whatever else she can. i'm not really complaining though, i am glad and thankful to feel her moving and letting me know she's around and getting big and ready to come out soon. 
Food cravings: i feel like i've kind of hit a food-enjoying wall. i don't love to eat at this point, just because i'm already big and energy-less and eating takes space in my stomach and energy to make it and eat it! so no, no cravings right now i don't think. 
Anything making you queasy or sick? nope.
Have you started to show yet? i think i've officially hit the bigger than my first pregnancy line on the size chart. maybe not and i'm just feeling that way. who knows.
Gender: baby sister :)
Labor Signs: lots of contractions, both braxton hicks and 'real' ones (painful ones that make me feel like something is actually happening). baby has dropped even more in the last week and i'm dilated to a 3 now.
Belly Button in or out? kind of sticking out a little, which is surprising and a little weird.
Weddings rings on or off? on!
Happy or Moody most of the time: really happy and excited and anxious. but also, it's the last few days of pregnancy, so it's very easy to just be so tired and done.
Looking forward to: thanksgiving this week. time spent with family and more family. we have a feast thursday and another one friday. jae's convinced we're going to be eating our turkey dinner at the hospital, but i don't think so. as much as i want to be done being pregnant and meet this sweet little thing like, now, i am looking forward to these last few days with our family of 3 and enjoying the holiday time. it's such a weird time, the end of pregnancy. so many emotions.

we set up our christmas tree this past weekend. yes, we're those people. this year, at least. i just know i'll be busy (and exhausted) with two little people the next few weeks, and i want to be able to enjoy my time with them as much as i can, as well as the time with family and friends and the holidays. so i convinced jae it was necessary to set up christmas at our house before thanksgiving this year. so we did. well, most of it's up. the rest will be up in the next few days. this year is going to be SOOOOOOOO much fun with a 2 year old that can understand and be able to really enjoy the holidays this year, as well as a fresh-from-heaven newborn to snuggle by the glow of the christmas lights. i cannot wait.


family pictures 2015.

i realize we'll be having some more pictures done in a couple weeks after this new baby sister joins us, so maybe doing some pictures a few weeks ago (while I was largely pregnant) is a little bit of over-kill. but I wanted some pictures done of sweet gracie girl when she turned 2, and since jae's brother was nice enough to take time out of his schedule to do the pictures for us, I figured we might as well sneak in a few pictures of jae and I and family ones too.

we went up to silver lake up big cottonwood canyon, and although it was still 'early' fall, the colors were just starting to turn and it was beautiful. colder than we expected! and busy. but beautiful. I think they showcase gracie's personality pretty well (aka anything but a simple smiling picture ;))

and now for serious picture overload because I can't narrow them down...