life lately.

we're two weeks away from christmas! i'm excited. i've done most our shopping this year online, and i will tell you what - it has been nice. it's a lot more effort to find time and then get gracie in the car and to the store and shop and then get everything and everyone back home. so online it is! and even better - i haven't paid shipping costs on one single thing i've ordered. free shipping all around! that is the best part for sure. i refuse to pay for shipping.

both jae and i had the itch early on to get our christmas decor up. i'm not sure why (we've never been so on top of things like that in the past...maybe because we have a 1yr old this year to make things more exciting??). we had most of our decorations and our tree up before thanksgiving. we finally put ornaments on the tree last week. i've loved having it all up, around the house. makes things special and gracie loves the lights. surprisingly, even with presents under the tree too, she hasn't bothered it much. we'll see if that lasts another couple of weeks.

gracie is all sorts of in the climbing into/onto/over things lately. it's pretty funny and cute, but also really interrupts my dish washing or toilet cleaning cuz i have to run and grab her as she's falling on the floor (from short heights, don't worry!). she's just growing and growing and doesn't seem to ever stop.

work is stressing me out. i've been working two jobs for almost 8 months now and it is seriously starting to wear on me. who's idea was this anyway, to work two jobs?? (pointing at myself.)

it's been 6 weeks since my D&C. can you believe it? it was a rough few weeks for jae and i, but we are finally back in a good, happy, healing place. we know it happened for some reason, although we don't know quite what that is yet. sometimes it's still hard not to think about how far along i would be now, and how we'd be planning everything, etc etc. but we are so blessed and so happy with our little family and know that little babe will be ours forever, even if he couldn't join us now.

on a side note, i ordered the sweetest drawing of Christ holding a newborn. a good high school friend of mine does AMAZING work, and when i saw it, i knew i had to have it. i am in love with it. i am still working on the perfect frame for it, but i love love it. it's beautiful and makes my heart happy.

what is with this weird utah winter spring weather? it really feels like we went through winter and now it's 50-something degrees everyday and things are kind of damp and dead still, waiting for new life. except we haven't even had winter yet. not sure that i'm complaining, but it is just strange.

i feel like we've had family pictures done about 17 times in the last couple of months. with all my family in town for thanksgiving, we had full frederickson family pictures done. plus, we'd already had two sets of pictures done for our little family for gracie's 1st birthday and christmas cards. you'd think jae and i would get more photogenic with all the photos being taken. but we don't seem to. gracie steals the show every time. which is totally fine.

last but certainly not least, gracie girl is walking!!! she started the saturday after thanksgiving, and has gotten better and better. she's still not sure if she'd rather walk or crawl, (whichever is faster at the moment, i guess), but she is getting so good and i'm all sorts of mixed emotions about it. (video below - sorry it's kind of weird quality, but it's so fun, i had to include it)


gracie's 1st birthday.

gracie's birthday was october 17th. the big FIRST birthday!!

we had her party the day after. all our family came, which is what really made her happy. she had no idea what all the presents were about (her dad and i opened most all of them, i think) and she liked the food for a minute, but really she was all about playing with her cousins and showing off for everyone :) it's safe to say she had a great time!

i only got a few pictures, we were just having too much fun celebrating.

the birthday girl, just after she woke up. she had a bit of a cold, so we had to start her day by spraying/suctioning out her nose. she didn't let it get her down! 
trying to get her to open some presents but....
...all she wanted to do was give cousin ben loves :)
the spread!

happy happy 1st birthday my little love!
you've made this past year the best one yet!!


wednesday night date night.

jae scored 4 tickets to the jazz vs cavs game last night. i was excited to go and get away for a couple hours with him, but i was also thinking ugh a late basketball game on a wednesday night after i worked all day and the night before?? i'm exhausted already!

we invited some friends, got a babysitter (thank you chelsea!!) and went for it. i am SO glad we did.

the game was pretty packed and so much fun. let me just give you a little play-by-play....

the jazz were ahead most the game until the 3rd quarter hit (of course) when things started falling apart. by the end of the 4th quarter, it got down to 100-97 (jazz ahead) when lebron james got "fouled" shooting a 3 pointer (it was so not a foul, by the way). of course, he made all 3 free throws, so it was tied at 100 with like 4 seconds left of the game. jazz inbounded, hayward got the ball, shot off a 3 pointer at literally the last second and made it! jazz win!!!!!

you guys. the arena exploded.
it was beyond awesome and loud (hello, ears ringing!) and there was just such a high energy taking over the whole place. i know, i know. it was just a jazz game and let's be real - they're not great and probably won't win very many games in the future. but that's not the point. for me (and i'm guessing jae too) it was just such a very much needed break. a time away from home and our sweet girl (although i had a lot of anxiety leaving her & texted chelsea the whole time). and we had so much fun. i haven't seen jae smile that big in a while.

even though gracie had a rough time at 6am this morning and i've been at work all stinking day, it's been such a better day than i've had in the last couple of weeks. i just feel renewed and happy and motivated again. all because of a date to the jazz game. weird.

but i'll take it.


garage in progress, vol 2.

we have made progress, people!

at the end of the last garage post, we had footing, foundation, and a garage floor poured.
now, we've completed framing, windows and (people) doors installed, half of the driveway, brick, and half of the roofing!

spot the little nugget?? :)

there's another few feet of driveway out to where the sidewalk/curb/gutter will be, but that's not going in until next spring. so we will just have half a driveway through the winter with gravel filling in the front few feet til we get all the rest of that put in next year.

ok so i haven't actually taken a picture of the roofing in progress yet - jae (with the very amazing help of family, friends, and neighbors - THANK YOU!) just finished getting all the tar paper up today before the storm hits. so now it's ready for shingles.

our siding is ordered and should be here in the next week or so. electrical will be done in the next week or so, too, hopefully. lastly is our garage doors i think? yay! then it can snow ;)



this is something I need to write about. I spent a few hours of the early morning this morning awake instead of asleep, going over and over all these thoughts in my head. I need to get them out of my head and somewhere else.
this is from Monday October 13th. almost two weeks ago. baby Horrocks #2:

we found out we were expecting mid-September. we were so so excited. after two ultrasounds (the one above being the second) we finally figured out how far along I was and when I was due. the end of may 2015. we celebrated gracie's birthday last weekend (more on that later) and let all the family in on our new baby secret. it was exciting and so fun and everyone was so surprised.
fast forward to this past Thursday the 23rd. I went in to the doctor for a regular check up. since jae had already taken off work to go to the two ultrasound appointments, he didn't come with to this one. because I have a flipped/tilted uterus, they were having trouble seeing the baby and the baby's heartbeat with the regular office monitor. the big ultrasound machine is right next door, and was free at that moment, so we hurried over there and they let us use it. finally, we had a great picture of the baby. you could see the body, the head...even distinct features of the face. a little arms stuck out on the sides of the body. it was amazing, really, to see the detail so early (I was just over 9 weeks). the placenta and umbilical cord and everything else looked healthy and normal.
except there was no longer a heartbeat.
since we had had this same ultrasound just the week before, I knew what to look for and what I'd see as far as the heart beating. so it was pretty obvious before anyone even said anything that there was no heartbeat to be found. I didn't exactly want to accept it and was kind of in shock, but as soon as they turned my regular check up appointment into a formal 'fetal demise' ultrasound, I knew I was right. and that's when I started to cry.
they measured the baby, and found he/she had stopped growing just about 3 days before - Monday the 20th. exactly one week after that ultrasound picture above. since everything else looked really healthy, they said it was just one of those things - for whatever reason, the cells that had come together just weren't meshing how they should and the little peanut knew it. so he/she decided to stop growing and end things now.
as soon as I got out, I called jae at work and let him know. he left work and we spent the rest of the weekend together - him, gracie, and me.
we're sad and overwhelmed and disappointed and hurting. but we also know it's all part of a bigger plan and we will be ok. maybe not today, but eventually. the last few days, we both just kept saying how grateful we are to have gracie through all of this. she has been our one bright, happy spot. if we didn't have her, as jae put it, we'd just be crying and sad all day long.

I can't help but feel like I was being prepared for this. or something like it, anyway. I told jae many times in the weeks before this that I was just worried about something happening or going wrong. I just have had a feeling that we would go through something like this some day. obviously I didn't know why or what or when. but I just did. doesn't make it any easier now that it has happened, of course, but in some small way, I think it acts as a bit of a comfort now. I know we're able to get through this and be ok again.

I go in this Tuesday for a D&C. it feels like forever away still. I'm not at all ready to go through something like this but I also just want to get it over with already. I feel like we can't have closure or move on until Tuesday is over.

this past Friday night, we got Chinese take out. trying to keep things "normal", after dinner I grabbed our fortune cookies and told jae to pick one. I opened mine first. maybe those fortunes aren't always just really random and out there. sometimes they're absolute tender mercies sent at just the right times.


taking stock, v. 3

Making: a to-do list for gracie's birthday party in two weeks. i just keeps growing.
Cooking: lots of soup, now that fall is officially upon us. i have a new potato bacon recipe to try this weekend!
Drinking: in these last few weeks/days/hours of nice sunny weather. the snow will be here before we know it (blech).
Reading: silver linings playbook. and gone girl is up next.
Wanting: a long afternoon nap. i'll be honest.
Looking: for anything pink and gold and glittery (yes, for gracie's party).
Playing: on our new little keyboard at home. well, mostly gracie plays pounds on it. it's good fun.
Wasting: my life away washing dishes and doing laundry!!!! ok so i'm being a little dramatic. but for reals, that's how it feels some days.
Sewing: a patch on jae's work shorts that we just bought a few months ago and are already ripped right through.
Wishing: our garage was done.
Enjoying: all the rain lately.
Liking: that i'm finally craving sweets (read: chocolate) LESS now. since ending the breastfeeding journey, my sweet tooth has taken a chill pill and i actually really appreciate that.
Wondering: how long i've got until gracie is walking all around. i sense it's coming sooner than i'd prefer.
Loving: my sweet family of 3 + the dog. it's a good little gig we got going :)
Hoping: i'll always remember to take advantage of all the time i have at home with gracie. it is fleeting & i don't ever want to take it for granted.
Marveling: at how life truly just gets better as i get older. sometimes harder. but still better.
Needing: this general conference weekend that's coming up.
Wearing: my hair up a lot lately. ok i'll admit it - i'm ready for my long hair to come back again.
Noticing: how much and how quickly gracie learns new things. every day, it seems like she's making a new sound or noticing something new or moving around in a new way. she's so smart. just soaking everything up like a cute little sponge.
Knowing: how completely blessed and taken care of i am.
Thinking: about what gracie should be for halloween. cuz she'll be one and she's going to care so much, i know.
Feeling:  the Lord's hand in my life. he's totally in charge - and that is a very good thing.
Bookmarking: all things party decor because i can use all the help i can get. not so blessed with creativity over here.
Giggling: at how many hours i've already spent on thinking/researching/planning gracie's 1st birthday. and honestly, i'm really simplifying it compared to a lot of cray cray moms out there, i think. it's absurd. but i kind of love it.

(sneak peak at recent pictures we did this past weekend. thanks to torrie, we still got some good shots even though it was pouring rain.)


bff's. they really are.

gracie: oh look at zoey sleeping so nicely. i think i'll grab her ear but look super non-chalant while doing it.

zoey: you let go of my ear!

gracie: hahahaha!
zoey: if you don't let go, i will sniff your face & possibly lick your nose.

gracie: oh no you didn't!
zoey: mom, please get her away from me.