tbt: first kiss

for those that don't read the life of bon, she does a throwback thursday post each week with a new topic assigned to each week. this week is first kiss!

i don't usually write stuff about my past on here, but i guess why not? it's supposed to be a record of me and my life (and jae's life and zoey's life...). i'm not very good with remembering specific details like others are (i wish i was!). maybe that's why i don't write more often about the past? especially at this time in my life called "i'm pregnant and lost half my brain cells", who knows how good my memory will serve me, but we'll see how it goes.

my first kiss was when i was about 13(ish. torrie & kayla - is that how old we were?). i guess if you want to get technical, my neighbor and good buddy jordan and i used to touch tongues through the fences separating our backyards when we were like 5. yes, you heard me right - touch tongues. weird right? not sure why or how or what inspired us to do that. but we did. not really kissing though, plus we were 5. doesn't count. and then there was the time my buddy brian and i kissed because "we were in a movie and we had to kiss for the movie". but again - when you're under the age of 12, does it really count as a real first kiss?

i think not.

so back to the age of 13. his name was also brian. imagine that. he happened to be the cousin of one of my best friends, and he lived in texas, so we only saw him during the summers when he'd come to visit for a couple weeks.

{the oldest picture i could find at the moment....high school graduation - me, rach, torrie, kayla}

anyway brian didn't actually like me. he liked our other friend, torrie. i knew this and torrie knew this and everyone else knew this. he flirted and tried to win torrie over, but she wasn't having any of it. not interested. i don't know if i really liked brian or if i made myself think i liked him and want to win him over just because i knew he was way into torrie and not me, but it's all the same in the end, i guess.

so when brian realized it wasn't going anywhere with torrie, he decided i was an alright second option, and "liked" me. again - who knows if he really liked me or not (i'm leaning towards not), but it didn't matter to me at the time, anyway. i remember one 24th of july specifically, we had all gone up to the park at st. olaf's (if you don't know bountiful, utah, then i'm sorry, you won't know these places. but just go with it) to watch the mueller park jr high fireworks. it was dark and we were waiting for them to start, and brian had drawn in the sand a giant heart with what i think was a B+M in it (i think...again - my memory is fuzzy). i vividly remember the heart, though, and i remember getting all twitterpated and blushing and thinking 'yay, he likes me!!'.

there was some hand holding and awkward arm-around-shoulder cuddling that went on and i was just loving it. then one night, we were walking around the elementary school just down the street from our houses. again, it was evening time and getting dark outside, and torrie and kayla were there, but took off on their own to give us some 'alone time'. {oh my, this is so ridiculous just remembering it.} we walked around holding hands, talking about who knows what, and finally decided to sit on the back steps of the school. we talked some more, and i vaguely remember i thought torrie and kayla were over to the side, hiding in the shadows of the trees. so there we sat, on the steps of the school just chit chatting. i don't remember details of what was said. probably a little of 'i like you' and 'i like you too' mush. and finally he went in for a kiss. honestly i don't remember many details except it was weird and i didn't know what i was doing really but i could tell he didn't either. it didn't last long. i was a little unsure about the kiss, but i was happy and excited about this boy and that we 'liked' each other.

that little relationship was (very) short lived. he went back home to texas and nothing else ever happened. i think the next summers when he came to visit were awkward and neither of us really wanted much to do with each other. i think in the back of my mind, i knew he never really liked me, he really just liked torrie. i was the second choice. and he just wanted to kiss someone.

and that was that.
not the most exciting first kiss story, but there ya go. first kisses and junior high and relationships when you're that young are just weird and awkward and meant to be that way, right?
good times.