a "not natural" wife.

a co-worker of mine found this article on KSL. a woman wrote about how she's basically a natural at being a mommy. she's 'firm yet fun - she knows how to handle kids'. but she goes on to talk about how, when it comes to marriage and being a great wife (all the time), it's just not as natural a thing for her. the article is pretty hysterical, and so so true.

i've only been married just over 3 years, so i may not have the most experience with being a wife. i always love to hear advice and lessons learned from those wiser than i. this woman wrote 5 skills she's learned that have helped her in her twelve years of marriage. i wanted to share, but more than that, i just wanted this written down somewhere for myself to read again  :)

1. boys are different than girls. i just can't emphasize this enough. it took me a few years to figure this out, so take my word for it. this is ta-rue! when you see your significant other behaving oddly in an undomesticated fashion, please know that he is not the first human being to behave so. there are many more like him - and they're all men. accept and move on, my friend. move on.

2. never let the following thought percolate your little noggin: "doesn't he know ......?" the answer is no. no, a million times over. followed by an "uh-uh" and a big nada the size of alaska. he doesn't know. he doesn't know what you're thinking and he never will. to be perfectly honest, no one can. if you want something, you have to step up, act like an adult and talk about it. no hissy fits allowed. but, if you do, try to make it look cute instead of bratty.

3. remember all those jane austen movies - the ones where the actors are so intuitive, so in touch with their emotions and so willing to walk through a hail storm in a diaper, barefoot, just to tell the woman he loves that she is his one and only? well, remember all those guys with british accents that you swoon over? remember what they look like? and remember that you never saw your husband as an actor in any of them? well, that's for a good reason - he is not that guy. does it mean he loves you any less. no. it just means he doesn't recite poetry by firelight (in a cute british accent) while combing your silky tresses. and that's ok, because your tresses aren't silky anyway. there will come a day when you will be far more impressed with his ability to change diapers, clean up puke and love you even when you hold an extra 40 pounds of baby weight. trust me.

4. you watch older couples who finish one anothers sentences and seem so comfortable with each other and wonder how that happens and how long it will take. but that precious intimacy - that closeness and comfort level when you know without looking what the other will do - takes time. and not just time, but it takes all the disagreements, the grumbling, the compromising, the laughter, the chores, the monotony, the adventures and even the tears, to mingle and marry over and over and over again to get that special closeness that you can feel in a look, in a touch, in one single word what the other might be saying. in that instant the pettiness melts away and you remember why - why you loved him in the first place and why you stay with him 12 or 40 years later. because life with him is better than your life without him...and because he makes killer omelets.

5. it takes practice to be married. and not practice with a starter marriage and then a real marriage. it takes practice and a ginormous dose of patience, forgiveness, and letting-go-of-the-pile-of-socks-two-feet-away-from-the-hamper-ness and all those other things that don't really matter. it takes the courage to start over when the ugly wife from the mental basement pops in and you ask for forgiveness and try harder the next day to be kind.

i just read these and felt myself mentally nodding my head along with everything she wrote. some of it i've experienced firsthand, and some things i know will come in the future. i loved this article. go read the rest of it! 

{you guys. i have SO much to blog about. it makes my anxiety level rise just thinking about it. but there is just not enough time this week. i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and a bit under-energized. too much to do! we leave friday night for a week-long trip. i "plan" to blog again before we go....}