love letters.

i was going through my wallet the other night and pulled out three letters from jae that i've been hauling around for years now. one was from 2009, just after we got engaged. the other two from 2010 - one valentine's day, and one a random one for our 4 month wedding anniversary.

i haven't pulled them out and read them in a long time. i got about halfway through the second one and was just a teary mess. i don't know why i randomly decided to read them at that moment, but it was just the pick me up that i needed right then. reading them made me so happy.

they were so so sweet. short and simple and to the point and reminded me why i married that guy.

it's so weird, life. it's like, i feel stuck in a rut a lot of the times with being a mom and taking care of gracie, being a wife (sometimes?), church, having a full time job (plus some), sleep (sometimes). and then repeat. and then repeat again. but at the same time, it's like life is on fast forward and months and years are passing by and now we're about to celebrate 6 years of marriage together and i can't quite figure out where the time went or what all we've done in those last 6 years. the day-by-day seems slow and sometimes monotonous and hard, but the months and years go by fast, it's hard to keep up. it's a strange thing.

anyway, the letters. reading those just put me right smack dab in the middle of a oh yeah, this is what it's all about. this is what matters moment. i stopped working right then and wrote a little love note to jae. something i haven't done in awhile. i am nowhere near perfect, and i know it. i have things to work on, and i'm trying to improve every day. and jae sticks by me and supports me and loves me all the same. even when i'm a little on the crazy lady side. and i need to make sure he knows that i notice that and how much i appreciate him for it.

he's a good one.

5 things & a photo.

because lists are one of my favorite things in life........

.1. i love being home during the day with gracie. i hate being gone late into the night at work. it's a constant internal battle to find the balance and appreciate it all.

.2. jae takes such good care of gracie. not that i had any doubts that he would, but i see friends that have babies/toddlers and their husbands that seem so not as "involved" as jae is, and it makes me appreciate him that much more. he does SO much, especially since i'm at work 3-4 nights a week. we're a lucky bunch of girls, gracie girl, zo pup, and me.

.3. i love spring. even when we have torrential downpours out of nowhere, like today. the hail! it was amazing! i was driving around in it today and thinking i don't even mind it's slowing me down. i'm glad it's been a rainy week.

.4. speaking of work, i just realized i never blogged about my new job. people ask me how it is, if it's better than before, if i like it, if it's all i wanted. and honestly, i'm not sure how to answer. in some ways, yes. in some ways, i feel burned out already. which is a little frustrating. but perhaps i should still write something up about the job and put all my thoughts out about it in it's own post. that might take awhile. it is what it is - a job. and jae is so great and reminded me last night when i was especially struggling, to just try to be positive. and he's exactly right.

.5. i've been super sentimental about gracie lately. today, i was going through old videos and pictures on my phone to delete some of the not so great ones and make room for...anything else (i have a lot of photos...). i just got looking through all those old pics of when she was a little one, and got all teary eyed. she is growing up into this totally awesome little girl, which i absolutely LOVE. she is seriously so much fun. but also, it kind of breaks my heart to look back and remember that little baby girl. i've decided that being a mom means that life becomes one giant bittersweet moment after another.


and for a (very poor quality) picture, because it's too awesome not to share....
jae got home from work and was feeling pretty beat, but gracie really wanted him to get on the floor and play with her. so he first sat, but then gradually made his way to laying down. and gracie continued bringing him finger puppets and stuffed animals. and he seriously nodded off for a few minutes and she continued to play around him. it was hilarious.

surprise birthday bash.

(yes, i started this post in february, and yes i'm just barely finishing it and yes i'm still going to post it anyway).

well it happened again.
we had another year go by and another birthday to celebrate!
jae's on the 21st, mine on the 22nd.
but this year, jae turned the big 30!!!

he was less than thrilled about that number. but i have a feeling it'll be a good year for him :)
i decided it was a good year to do something a little extra special for him. i've never tried to surprise him for his birthday before, so i wanted to try it! i was so nervous it wouldn't work out - either he'd find out or no one would show up or something. but it actually turned out pretty perfect and i think he really enjoyed his night, which made me super happy too :)

basically, i had one of his besties help me out by spreading the surprise info to all the other friends. i told him specifically who i definitely wanted invited, and then told him to just invite anyone else who i'd forgotten or who he thought jae might enjoy seeing. we did this about a month in advance and then another reminder the week of. i was just so worried people would forget or not show!

after throwing around a few different ideas, we ended up just meeting everyone at the Garage in SLC. yes, it's a bar and we don't drink, but we've heard rave reviews on their food, so it's somewhere we've had on our list to try for a long time. plus it was a good central location for everyone that was coming so it worked out perfect.

all i told him was that we were going out on a special date. his mom came to babysit and we headed to SLC. he tried guessing a few different places of where we might go to dinner, but he failed. just as we were about to pull up to the Garage, he guessed it and i told him yes. he was surprised, but excited.

we walked in and i kind of pulled jae behind me to the back patio (neither of us had ever been so he was kind of confused where i was going, but i just acted like i was checking out the place). we got out back and i pushed him ahead of me to the patio area and everyone was there and said surprise! haha nothing was really actually planned for that part but it turned out great and he was super surprised! yay!! there ended up being around 20 people come and i was so happy. since being  married and then having a baby, jae doesn't get to see or hang out with his guy friends a whole lot, so i really wanted to make this something fun that was all about him and something he would really enjoy doing. it was so fun for me to just kind of hang back and watch him just hang out and talk and catch up with everyone. it was super laid back and casual, which was exactly what i was going for.

and yes, after all that planning and scheming and work behind the scenes, i only took one picture the whole night. i guess that just means it was too fun to worry about pulling out the camera :)

happy 30th my love! you're amazing and handsome as ever and i love you most.

PS...i have to add these in at the bottom since they are birthday-ish related.

these were taken at our Horrocks birthday lunch. gracie with her cousin jack (who's only 9 months older than her but a giant next to her!) and her super fun uncle jaron. aren't they cute? (i realize the picture quality is pretty terrible, dangit)

for our birthdays this year, we went on an IKEA trip and bought ourselves a couple of new dressers as well as a shelf and drawers/storage for gracie's accumulating toys, books, puzzles, etc. happy birthday to us! gracie was getting sick of IKEA (it can be a rough, long trip even for an adult) so this was the only way to help her stay pleasant for the rest of the trip.

my co-workers really went all out :)

and my cute message waiting for me on the bathroom mirror. love mirror messages.

5 years.

jae and i celebrated 5 years of marriage a few weeks ago. since last year we had a 2 month old, we ended up just staying downtown SLC and taking the baby with us. which was great! but now that she's 15 months, we decided a night or two by ourselves was much needed.

jae planned a few days away at one of our favorites - the Zermatt resort in midway. it was a perfect way to start our new year and a perfect way to celebrate these 5 years together.

we ate at a yummy Mexican place, swam in the crater, soaked up the heat in the steam room, ate a fancy meal at the homesteads restaurant (simon's), went on a little railroad day trip, had some more yummy food, slept in (until 8!!! haha), and best of all - basically just did whatever the heck we wanted. and it was amazing. of course, i was texting my sister the entire time to check up on gracie girl and make sure she was sleeping and eating and everything. and of course, she did great the entire time. we enjoyed every minute and mostly only took time to take pictures of scenery and food.

it was beautiful and wintery and everything was covered in frozen white magicalness. even though i am not one to love winter or snow or single digit temperatures, i cannot deny that it was lovely up there.

thanks for another amazing year, jae, and another amazing trip and

for being the perfect husband for me!

wednesday night date night.

jae scored 4 tickets to the jazz vs cavs game last night. i was excited to go and get away for a couple hours with him, but i was also thinking ugh a late basketball game on a wednesday night after i worked all day and the night before?? i'm exhausted already!

we invited some friends, got a babysitter (thank you chelsea!!) and went for it. i am SO glad we did.

the game was pretty packed and so much fun. let me just give you a little play-by-play....

the jazz were ahead most the game until the 3rd quarter hit (of course) when things started falling apart. by the end of the 4th quarter, it got down to 100-97 (jazz ahead) when lebron james got "fouled" shooting a 3 pointer (it was so not a foul, by the way). of course, he made all 3 free throws, so it was tied at 100 with like 4 seconds left of the game. jazz inbounded, hayward got the ball, shot off a 3 pointer at literally the last second and made it! jazz win!!!!!

you guys. the arena exploded.

it was beyond awesome and loud (hello, ears ringing!) and there was just such a high energy taking over the whole place. i know, i know. it was just a jazz game and let's be real - they're not great and probably won't win very many games in the future. but that's not the point. for me (and i'm guessing jae too) it was just such a very much needed break. a time away from home and our sweet girl (although i had a lot of anxiety leaving her & texted chelsea the whole time). and we had so much fun. i haven't seen jae smile that big in a while.

even though gracie had a rough time at 6am this morning and i've been at work all stinking day, it's been such a better day than i've had in the last couple of weeks. i just feel renewed and happy and motivated again. all because of a date to the jazz game. weird.

but i'll take it.

taking stock, v. 3

Making: a to-do list for gracie's birthday party in two weeks. i just keeps growing.

Cooking: lots of soup, now that fall is officially upon us. i have a new potato bacon recipe to try this weekend!

Drinking: in these last few weeks/days/hours of nice sunny weather. the snow will be here before we know it (blech).

Reading: silver linings playbook. and gone girl is up next.

Wanting: a long afternoon nap. i'll be honest.

Looking: for anything pink and gold and glittery (yes, for gracie's party).

Playing: on our new little keyboard at home. well, mostly gracie plays pounds on it. it's good fun.

Wasting: my life away washing dishes and doing laundry!!!! ok so i'm being a little dramatic. but for reals, that's how it feels some days.

Sewing: a patch on jae's work shorts that we just bought a few months ago and are already ripped right through.

Wishing: our garage was done.

Enjoying: all the rain lately.

Liking: that i'm finally craving sweets (read: chocolate) LESS now. since ending the breastfeeding journey, my sweet tooth has taken a chill pill and i actually really appreciate that.

Wondering: how long i've got until gracie is walking all around. i sense it's coming sooner than i'd prefer.
Loving: my sweet family of 3 + the dog. it's a good little gig we got going :)

Hoping: i'll always remember to take advantage of all the time i have at home with gracie. it is fleeting & i don't ever want to take it for granted.
Marveling: at how life truly just gets better as i get older. sometimes harder. but still better.

Needing: this general conference weekend that's coming up.

Wearing: my hair up a lot lately. ok i'll admit it - i'm ready for my long hair to come back again.

Noticing: how much and how quickly gracie learns new things. every day, it seems like she's making a new sound or noticing something new or moving around in a new way. she's so smart. just soaking everything up like a cute little sponge.

Knowing: how completely blessed and taken care of i am.

Thinking: about what gracie should be for halloween. cuz she'll be one and she's going to care so much, i know.
Feeling:  the Lord's hand in my life. he's totally in charge - and that is a very good thing.

Bookmarking: all things party decor because i can use all the help i can get. not so blessed with creativity over here.

Giggling: at how many hours i've already spent on thinking/researching/planning gracie's 1st birthday. and honestly, i'm really simplifying it compared to a lot of cray cray moms out there, i think. it's absurd. but i kind of love it.

(sneak peak at recent pictures we did this past weekend. thanks to torrie, we still got some good shots even though it was pouring rain.)

dessert date night.

jae and i had tickets to go to the bee's game the other night. well it was a night that turned out to be super rainy monsoon weather. originally i was planning to take gracie with us, but then with the forecast, got jae's mom to babysit for us instead, but then when it was so crazy rainy, we didn't really want to go anyway. but we already had jae's mom to watch gracie, so we decided we'd still go do something. we had already eaten dinner so we couldn't go out to get food, so we decided some fancy desserts would be perfect.

i wanted TWO desserts!

raspberry cheesecake and a chocolate ice cream pazookie thingy. whatever they're called.

(i literally tried to take a selfie of us like 4 times. this is what i got every single time..)

we ended our date night with a trip to home depot (naturally) and took turns drilling stuff. cuz what date is complete without that?

a date!

for fathers day, i 'gave' jae a date to the shooting range. well, 2 months later we finally went!

grandma karen babysat baby girl (thanks again!). jae and i went to lunch all by ourselves (so nice to eat without worrying about little hands grabbing my food or having to take turns eating & containing the child), and then we went up to the shooting range.

jae's only shot a rifle before, and i am completely inexperienced in shooting anything more than a bb gun, so it was way fun and also gave me a little anxiety handling the handguns.

but it was totally fun and we weren't too terrible and it was just nice to get away for a couple of hours by ourselves.

(i got a whopping four pictures)

life lately, according to the photo dump.

here it is. life the last month, in photos
(all via my phone, of course)

super pleased with herself for emptying out the tissue box while i did dishes.

first time on a hammock with aunt chelsea :)

mom & baby selfies

trying any new foods we can think of. she's pretty skeptical of a lot of them.

fell asleep on a walk the other day. that hasn't happened since she was a newborn.

my cute mother in law packed me a full meal for lunch one day & had it ready for me when i dropped gracie off to her. complete with a note and even more notes inside with the food!

when all else fails & momma needs a break...

a walk around station park to pass time til daddy got off work.

everytime i see this picture and that face (those cheeks!), i think it looks exactly like me when i was a baby.

jae grilled up these delish brats and kabobs. SO good.

church selfies :)

had to wake her up the other morning to go to physical therapy.

she looked so sweet & was so sleepy, i felt so bad.

 

 new cookies/crackers to try. she loves them but they are MESSY.

we went to dinner & she completely turned herself around in her chair to face other people.

didn't want to look at boring mom & dad!

 

 

 

first zoo visit!

 

clearly she likes to turn herself around & face backwards a lot.