the end.

something happens when you grow up.
i think it starts when you get married.
and then you buy a house.
and then you have a baby.
(or whatever order it all happens...)
and then maybe you have another baby.
or sell that house and buy another house.
or maybe you do all of those things and also live in a temporary house in between while remodeling a house.

and then this thing called priorities......
well they change.
sometimes drastically.
and it's kind of out of your control a lot of the times.
but necessary.
and good.

but when this happens, some of the things that used to be a priority become less of a priority.
or not really a priority per-say, at all.

like blogging.

for some, who are great writers and use writing as a way to journal and express themselves and be artistic and creative and get out all their emotions from the day-to-day....well a lot of them keep up the blogging. and i am so glad, because i still love to read and keep up on a handful of blogs every week!

but for me?
it's just not a priority anymore.
as you can probably tell from my lack of writing in like 6 months.
and i don't think anyone will really mind.
and to be honest, since i kind of made the choice to not worry about blogging anymore a couple months ago, i feel a weight lifted.
not that i was a great blogger before (ever), but it had become a not so fun thing that i felt like i had to do to keep up on our life and our babies and if i didn't blog, it'd be like this time in life never existed or something.
which is silly.
and i am a little relieved to realize that and to be able to make the decision to be done with my blog (at least for now) and just live life and enjoy it.
and not have to worry about the not blogging thing.

so, this is goodbye, blog.
it's been just shy of 10 years since i started my first blog back before kids and houses and the husband. i think that's a pretty good run for a non-blogger like myself ;)

life lately, according to my iphone.

wow, middle of october? 
this year feels like it has just flown by.

here's a little recap of the last couple of months for us.

sacrament meeting is right during morning naptime - it's rough. a few weeks ago, jae walked around with lola and got her to sleep. yes, i took this during a prayer. i couldn't resist. jae caught me.

every day it's a new baby and/or animal, but gracie tucks her 'babies' into all the beds she can for their naptimes. it's pretty cute, that little momma.

this happy little sunshine insists on standing in her high chair ALL the time now. every time she eats. and it makes me crazy! and also really nervous! seriously, every minute or so she stands back up and i sit her back down, and we go through that about 50 times per meal. gracie never did this, gracie never climbed or stood or tried to get out of anything, so that little cushion with a belt that came with this seat? it got tossed long ago. probably bad idea.

grandpa george came to town a few weekends ago and met lola girl for the first time. he came to church with us and she just stared at him like this while he sang. it was pretty funny. 

(i swear i don't always take pictures during church...)

cousins! and the fall canyons! and snack breaks, of course.

and some sweet daddy snuggles :)

lola wants to do everything big sister does.

beautiful fall in utah

this beaut used to be parked in our driveway (below, where gracie is waving). since approximately 1985. (not joking). it finally got towed away a few weeks ago. don't ask, it's a loooong story. but just be happy for us that it's gone. yayayayay!!!!!!

seriously, that driveway hasn't seen daylight in 30+ years. it's a gall-darn miracle.

soaking up the sunny fall days before it's winter and we will be stuck inside for too many months.

gracie likes to be 'mom' and lola was way happier having sister to look at than mom.

lola's first peach experience. she doesn't have any teeth yet but she was pretty determined to get that peach and eat it. and so she did! and made a pretty awesome mess and quite the show for the rest of us watching. she is hilarious.

gracie often does my workouts with me, or at least wants her matching water bottle to drink from while she watches me workout ;)

high school football game! it was chilly and we only lasted til halftime but it was fun.

gracie's been working on her camera skills. i usually go through and look at all the ones she took and then delete most of them. but this one of her shoes in the grass made me happy, so i kept it.

she's as crazy as ever! she got herself dressed up in this, and then about two minutes later was throwing a fit because she got tangled in the slinky and couldn't get out of it. 

this is her new favorite hobby lately - almost daily you can find all these little people/animals lining our living room window. 'they need to see outside!'. she was very proud.

and now, here we are, days from gracie's birthday, and a month shy of lola's birthday, and then full swing into the holiday season. then anniversary. then more birthdays. the next few months are so busy, but i am so excited for them! these girls make life so full.

GNOs

i know this is totally random - can we talk for a minute about girls nights? girls nights after you're married and have kid(s), specifically.

why do i have such a hard time with girls nights?!?!?!

it's a question i keep asking myself. i sent that question in a text to one of my sisters the other day, and she responded very seriously and literally and told me a few reasons why it might be hard for me. and then proceeded to tell me how she feels pretty much exactly how i do on the subject, and i felt a lot better. and i remembered why she's my fav sister ;) we must be related or something.

it's so weird. i have some great girlfriends. ones i've known since i was a wee one. these girls have been through it with me - all of the ups and downs of everything from junior high 'love' to engagement break-offs to marrying the right guy to having babies. i love these girls. they know me. and i know them. and i always have a good time when i do spend time with them. yet, at this stage in my life, when we plan a girls night (dinner, a movie, just a low-key hangout at someones house, whatever it is), 9 times out of 10 i end up not going. and as silly as it sounds, i am truly trying to understand why i do this!

we plan something and it sounds fun. and i am genuinely excited about it. and i put it on my calendar in my phone and tell jae i'm having a girls night that day and it's all good. and then the day gets closer and then the day comes and then all of a sudden i am anxious about it and don't really feel like i want to go. prime example: my friends planned a little shindig the other night. i was planning to go. for weeks, it was the plan. then the day before and the day of came and i just was off all day. i was grumpy with my kids for no good reason, i was finding reasons to be annoyed at jae, i was stressing about getting this done or that done. i texted my sister the above question and we talked about it. and then i finally realized maybe it was because of being gone to the girls night that night. that was causing me stress. so i texted my friends and told them i couldn't make it. and after that, the rest of my day just kind of felt easier. i wasn't worried about stuff, i was able to be more patient with my girls, we planned something fun to do with dad when he got home from work...it was the weirdest. i am the weirdest.

there's just something about taking time away from my own little family. spending money (always a stressful, anxiety-filled subject for me, no matter what, i swear!) and spending time doing something that doesn't involve jae and/or my girls when i could be spending time with them (ie i'm not working and jae's not working) stresses me out. i don't like it. it makes me uneasy. and it's not like i'm worried about anything at home - obviously jae is more than capable of taking care of the girls and himself without me. it's not because they need me there. but i would just miss being there. or something. just writing this out makes me feel like a crazy person. i mean, of course it's not crazy to want to spend time with your family, but a few hours once every few weeks with my bffs shouldn't be so hard!?!

maybe it's because i'm a working mom and i'm already gone, missing dinner and bedtime three nights a week. maybe it's because i feel like it takes a lot of work to keep up on jae's and my relationship now that there are two little people that have taken over our life and i relish every minute we get together.

sometimes i think it would be a good thing for me to go and get out of the house and do something with girls i love that doesn't involve breastfeeding or wrestling toddlers to get them dressed or wiping snotty noses or singing abc's or daniel tiger. and honestly, it probably would be a good thing for me. like i said, when i do go to such events, i do have a good time! i enjoy the company of my friends! i almost always stay later and longer than i originally plan! we laugh and eat and have a good times together! i love these people. so again....i don't know.

all i know is i struggle with it most every time. the struggle is real! it doesn't necessarily make sense to me, and sometimes i need to just let it go and go have fun. but it is real, and i needed to just get that out.

i love you, my friends. sorry i'm weird.

gracie jane - 2.5 years

gracie was actually 2.5 in april, but saying she's 2.75 seems a little silly.

speaking of silly, gracie jane is so super silly! she is a joy and she also pushes my patience more than my patience has ever been pushed. she is such a good big sister. she's learning to be better at sharing. she wants to play with lola more and more but i have to remind her lola is still a baby and isn't quite as stable or able as she is, so she can't quite 'play' with her like she wants to all the time.

gracie is so loving. she is always giving loves to everyone, unprovoked. she especially loves to give zuberts (raspberries? what else are they called?) to everyone. she won't leave a family gathering without going around and giving everyone a hug and usually a kiss (or zubert) goodbye.

gracie is a little stinker! she is getting smarter and figuring out ways to try to get around rules or having to do things to get what she wants. she knows which parent to ask for certain things or tries asking us both if she doesn't get the answer she wants. it can be so frustrating, but honestly it's pretty hilarious too.

lola adores her big sister and most of the time, she thinks gracie is just hilarious. gracie is good about being a helper with lola, getting diapers, trying to help feed her, getting her toys, and she tries reeeally hard to be quiet during lola's nap times. not always so successful at that, but she does try ;)

gracie loves to put on a show. she loves attention from anyone and she is not scared to talk to people, stranger or not. zero stranger danger with this one! she says hi to random people at the store and sometimes proceeds to tell strangers things that strangers don't need to know about herself or me. people usually thinks she's pretty funny.

if there's one group of people gracie loves most in life, it is her cousins! or 'the kids'. she would play all day, every day with them if she could. they're all at least a few years older, and she bosses them around like it's her job in life. and they do whatever she says most the time! (which doesn't help, but ya know). they love her too. they have so much fun playing together, and she gets ridiculously excited whenever we see them.

she's becoming more and more of a little firecracker, which i probably mostly have myself to blame. i hate to admit it, but i totally give her attitude sometimes because i know she knows better, and she just feeds that attitude right back to me. she has a good little glare going, and puts me in my place at least once a day. she drives me insane, but it's hard to be too mad because i know she gets a lot of it from me. i have to remind myself she's only 2 and it's her job to be a little trouble maker.

at the end of the day, gracie jane is my sweet little mini me bff. she is so funny and so happy and such a lover. she makes me want to be a better person and a better mother every day.

life lately: and april is over.

i'm not even sure what happened to the month of april, but here we are in may!

the last couple weeks i have had a pretty consistent sore throat. i'm not sure why. i don't feel sick. maybe a weird dry air problem? who knows, but it's annoying more than anything. and jae seems to be allergic to something in or around our house - he'll be fine all day (where he's working outside with grass and trees and all sorts of things he's actually allergic to) and then he gets home and literally 5 minutes later his nose starts running. what the?! can't figure that one out. gracie is just a typical 2 year old - such a sweet sweet little girl whos' giving me hugs and kisses and then two minutes later is screaming at me that she wants chocolate milk and she wants it now! and i am not to tell her what to do! and i am officially the worst mom to a 2 year old. i just don't have the patience. i just don't! and then lola - she's absolutely PERFECT. except she doesn't poop. like, maybe once a week. and even though changing a poopy diaper only once a week sounds amazing, it is actually starting to be a problem.

so that's us lately! plus these:

it's hard to haul a baby and a laundry basket around - so we improvised :) don't worry - no harm of babies during this transport. she kind of loved it.

so this happened.... weber water turned on and apparently this pipe was seriously busted. it sprayed water out like this ALL DAY LONG til jae got home around 4pm and noticed it. it had been raining all day too so the extra water sound didn't even phase me, since i had no idea til jae found it. filled the window well (next picture down - look close, you can see the water just pouring in) and came in the bathroom window and just like that we had INCHES of water sitting ON TOP of the carpet. the entire basement got wet. it was a disaster. so who did i call? the flood disaster people. too much for us to even deal with. we were lucky though - nothing got seriously damaged. except the carpet and bathroom and such, but nothing else. still working on this.

gracie was just 'taking orders', with the help of grandpa's shoulders

lola practicing selfies. she's getting pretty good. and plus - she's adorable so.

date night out at the new cabellas!

since we're such fisherman and hunters and so outdoorsy like that - we bought baseball caps at cabellas. ha. and gracie wanted to try out my new hat.

(plus - she's obsessed with that baby. it goes everywhere with us.)

we've been enjoying the nice spring weather outside and the other day gracie laid back and put her hand up to block the sun and said "let's watch the clouds go by mommy". ha! i was like what did you just say!? silly girl :)

walks on the boulevard! she's super into seeing the temple lately and since we're living right below the boulevard, it's the perfect place to walk to! and gives gracie the chance to run and run (and get tired before naptime ;))

i got in my car and started driving to work last week and looked over to notice a WASP literally making a nest IN MY CAR!!!!!!! you guys, i freaked out a little. i pulled over and swatted it away and knocked it's beginning of a nest down and jumped back in and was then terrified the rest of the drive that a swarm was going to come out my vents and sting me to death. last time i'm leaving my windows down while parked in my driveway. 

baby girl found her toes!

always wanting to hold lola and ALWAYS wanting to give her loves

we were sitting on my bed the other day and i just noticed how long her and pretty her hair is. love it.

she had a bowl of apples and her books were already in the basket. she said 'mom can i get in? it'll be like a picnic!' so she did. she ate her apples and then read her books one by one, all in the basket.

just post-nap snuggles on my chest. oh i just love her.

an update on our house (that i haven't even blogged about at all yet...ha): jae's almost done with the kitchen/dining room tile! he's so awesome. love a man that can get stuff done around the house!

isn't it pretty? i love it already. he's further than this now, he should be done pretty quick! cannot wait.