st. george: march 2016

jae had a work conference down in st george this past week, and the girls and i needed a few days away in some warmer sunshine. so we tagged along!

i'll be honest - as nice as it was to get away and do some vacation-y things, with jae at work stuff most the day, it was kind of like just being at home with me and the girls. we had to run to the grocery store and we did a little shopping. but it was just me and them. and we missed jae. and that made it kind of not as fun i guess. but i won't complain, because it was some new scenery for a few days, and that was great.

we did some shopping, some stroller-ing, some swimming (gracie got dumped on about 10 minutes in and then swimming was pretty much over), one morning at the children's museum, a few tantrums (from gracie), drawing with chalk outside in the sunshine, lounging in bed, and some more tantrums on the drive home (again, gracie).

and then, when we got home, jae laid down on the floor, and gracie tucked him in and brought her chair over, grabbed a book (and her glasses haha) and read him a story. she had to get real close to make sure his eyes were closed and he was 'sleeping'. it was hilarious.

until next time, sunny st. george!

where in the world.

i probably shouldn't be writing a blog post at 6am because i'm not exactly totally awake or coherent in my thoughts or sentences, but here i am. i feel like my brain and my mind and my thoughts and my everything is going a million miles an hour in a million different directions. i feel unsettled and unsure. and tired. i feel very very tired.

for some reason that's still somewhat unknown to myself, we decided it'd be a good idea to do all of these things at once: both jae and i work full time jobs (while i also have a second PRN job), have a baby, and put our house up for sale on a whim (while still working on some finishing touches in our house and with no real idea of where we'll go). all while raising our toddler in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the busy summer months and trying to stay alive. at this point, that's about all i feel like i can do some days - stay alive.

i can't stop yawning - did i mention i was so tired?

and also - what were we thinking??!

the whole house thing has just been craziness. i started a post about it, and if the saga ever ends i'll finish the post. but basically it's been one giant rollercoaster - so great and promising one day and then super up in the air and uncertain the next. and i'm kind of really over it at this point.

and then there's work - can i just say it? I HATE WORK.

this post is feeling like a really down and depressing post. life is also really good - gracie is growing and learning and TALKING UP A STORM every day, and she is so fun and lively and a little firecracker with some serious attitude, we just can't get enough of her. also, baby SISTER (i don't think i've even blogged about being pregnant yet....hmmm) is growing and kicking and doing great, which is a HUGE relief and blessing.

i just need life to calm down a little bit. i feel like i'm at work every.single.day.of.my.life, because really, i kind of am, and it's wearing me down. i'm kind of super ready for fall, because i feel like life kind of naturally has a way of slowing down a little when september hits and a routine kicks back in that we haven't had during the summer.

and then there's this blog. i really love to blog and love keeping up on our life through these posts, but the posts are few and far between these days, and that's just how it is right now. also, my phone has some weird film/scratch thing right through the middle of the picture lens, so every picture i take with it has like a blurry spot and it's super annoying and ruins all the pictures so i rarely even take pictures on it anymore. so that doesn't help with the blogging effort either.

i guess with this post i just needed to rant and ramble for a minute.
and now, some random pictures of (you guessed it) gracie and life lately, because why not.

she put on dad's hat and picked up a bag and wanted her shoes on because she was "going to work"

i found this little gem one morning after jae had been playing blocks with gracie the night before. in case you need a translation: jae loves mh (that's me, guys) and gracie :)

helping grandma karen water her flowers

relaxing in the hammock with cousin jack.

grandma karen got a new camper tent thing and i think you can tell how gracie feels about it.

i'm not sure where she got it from, but she likes to lay back and relax with her arms behind her head. it's kind of hilarious.

we went on a date the other night, just gracie and i. we had ice cream first and then dinner ;) (see what i mean about the blurry blop in the picture? dumb.)

and another ice cream pic to finish them up.

5 things & a photo.

because lists are one of my favorite things in life........

.1. i love being home during the day with gracie. i hate being gone late into the night at work. it's a constant internal battle to find the balance and appreciate it all.

.2. jae takes such good care of gracie. not that i had any doubts that he would, but i see friends that have babies/toddlers and their husbands that seem so not as "involved" as jae is, and it makes me appreciate him that much more. he does SO much, especially since i'm at work 3-4 nights a week. we're a lucky bunch of girls, gracie girl, zo pup, and me.

.3. i love spring. even when we have torrential downpours out of nowhere, like today. the hail! it was amazing! i was driving around in it today and thinking i don't even mind it's slowing me down. i'm glad it's been a rainy week.

.4. speaking of work, i just realized i never blogged about my new job. people ask me how it is, if it's better than before, if i like it, if it's all i wanted. and honestly, i'm not sure how to answer. in some ways, yes. in some ways, i feel burned out already. which is a little frustrating. but perhaps i should still write something up about the job and put all my thoughts out about it in it's own post. that might take awhile. it is what it is - a job. and jae is so great and reminded me last night when i was especially struggling, to just try to be positive. and he's exactly right.

.5. i've been super sentimental about gracie lately. today, i was going through old videos and pictures on my phone to delete some of the not so great ones and make room for...anything else (i have a lot of photos...). i just got looking through all those old pics of when she was a little one, and got all teary eyed. she is growing up into this totally awesome little girl, which i absolutely LOVE. she is seriously so much fun. but also, it kind of breaks my heart to look back and remember that little baby girl. i've decided that being a mom means that life becomes one giant bittersweet moment after another.


and for a (very poor quality) picture, because it's too awesome not to share....
jae got home from work and was feeling pretty beat, but gracie really wanted him to get on the floor and play with her. so he first sat, but then gradually made his way to laying down. and gracie continued bringing him finger puppets and stuffed animals. and he seriously nodded off for a few minutes and she continued to play around him. it was hilarious.

surprise birthday bash.

(yes, i started this post in february, and yes i'm just barely finishing it and yes i'm still going to post it anyway).

well it happened again.
we had another year go by and another birthday to celebrate!
jae's on the 21st, mine on the 22nd.
but this year, jae turned the big 30!!!

he was less than thrilled about that number. but i have a feeling it'll be a good year for him :)
i decided it was a good year to do something a little extra special for him. i've never tried to surprise him for his birthday before, so i wanted to try it! i was so nervous it wouldn't work out - either he'd find out or no one would show up or something. but it actually turned out pretty perfect and i think he really enjoyed his night, which made me super happy too :)

basically, i had one of his besties help me out by spreading the surprise info to all the other friends. i told him specifically who i definitely wanted invited, and then told him to just invite anyone else who i'd forgotten or who he thought jae might enjoy seeing. we did this about a month in advance and then another reminder the week of. i was just so worried people would forget or not show!

after throwing around a few different ideas, we ended up just meeting everyone at the Garage in SLC. yes, it's a bar and we don't drink, but we've heard rave reviews on their food, so it's somewhere we've had on our list to try for a long time. plus it was a good central location for everyone that was coming so it worked out perfect.

all i told him was that we were going out on a special date. his mom came to babysit and we headed to SLC. he tried guessing a few different places of where we might go to dinner, but he failed. just as we were about to pull up to the Garage, he guessed it and i told him yes. he was surprised, but excited.

we walked in and i kind of pulled jae behind me to the back patio (neither of us had ever been so he was kind of confused where i was going, but i just acted like i was checking out the place). we got out back and i pushed him ahead of me to the patio area and everyone was there and said surprise! haha nothing was really actually planned for that part but it turned out great and he was super surprised! yay!! there ended up being around 20 people come and i was so happy. since being  married and then having a baby, jae doesn't get to see or hang out with his guy friends a whole lot, so i really wanted to make this something fun that was all about him and something he would really enjoy doing. it was so fun for me to just kind of hang back and watch him just hang out and talk and catch up with everyone. it was super laid back and casual, which was exactly what i was going for.

and yes, after all that planning and scheming and work behind the scenes, i only took one picture the whole night. i guess that just means it was too fun to worry about pulling out the camera :)

happy 30th my love! you're amazing and handsome as ever and i love you most.

PS...i have to add these in at the bottom since they are birthday-ish related.

these were taken at our Horrocks birthday lunch. gracie with her cousin jack (who's only 9 months older than her but a giant next to her!) and her super fun uncle jaron. aren't they cute? (i realize the picture quality is pretty terrible, dangit)

for our birthdays this year, we went on an IKEA trip and bought ourselves a couple of new dressers as well as a shelf and drawers/storage for gracie's accumulating toys, books, puzzles, etc. happy birthday to us! gracie was getting sick of IKEA (it can be a rough, long trip even for an adult) so this was the only way to help her stay pleasant for the rest of the trip.

my co-workers really went all out :)

and my cute message waiting for me on the bathroom mirror. love mirror messages.

garage in progress, vol 2.

we have made progress, people!

at the end of the last garage post, we had footing, foundation, and a garage floor poured.
now, we've completed framing, windows and (people) doors installed, half of the driveway, brick, and half of the roofing!

spot the little nugget?? :)

there's another few feet of driveway out to where the sidewalk/curb/gutter will be, but that's not going in until next spring. so we will just have half a driveway through the winter with gravel filling in the front few feet til we get all the rest of that put in next year.

ok so i haven't actually taken a picture of the roofing in progress yet - jae (with the very amazing help of family, friends, and neighbors - THANK YOU!) just finished getting all the tar paper up today before the storm hits. so now it's ready for shingles.

our siding is ordered and should be here in the next week or so. electrical will be done in the next week or so, too, hopefully. lastly is our garage doors i think? yay! then it can snow ;)

garage in progress.

we're (finally) building a new garage! yayyyy!!!

see, our current garage is essentially caving in on itself. after years of our driveway flooding any time it rains and that water running well into the garage too, it's a very sad yucky rotting mess. well, with our new neighbors building their new house and putting in curb and gutter, it's only going to make our situation worse than it already is (and it's pretty bad!). plus, our garage is really our only good storage space and you can't even hardly use it because it floods. meaning nothing of value or that could be water damaged can sit anywhere within inches of the garage floor. pretty tricky!

so after dealing with this for over two years now, we decided it was now or never. time to build a new spacious, storage-filled, FUNCTIONAL garage!
(on the opposite side of the house from where the garage is now, as to prevent a lot of the current issues.)

so over the last few weeks.....
we started here:

then to this big hole:

 footing & foundation:

and now the garage floor is where we're at (!!!!):

this week we should be getting all our lumber and trusses delivered, and next week the framing goes up! then, of course, electrical, windows, doors, exterior, etc etc. but the plan is to have it all done by the time snow hits.

i can't even tell you how thrilled i am about this.

the cost? not so thrilled.

but the space (it's an oversized 3 car garage) and storage (YES!) and parking cars in a covered space and not hauling babies and dogs in and out of 5 inches of standing water just to get to the car.......it will be so wonderful.

cookies & ikea catalogs.

..I eat entirely too many cookies. at work, they have these chocolate chip cookies that are big and chewy but not too soft. and they're absolutely delicious. working at hours like 5am and 11pm make for very dangerous cookie-craving times. this past week I decided to go off cookies for a week. just to see if I could even do it. that is sad to admit, but it's true. I'm happy to report I went 8 days without one single cookie! although on day 8, I had two of them...and this is why I will never be super healthy and fit. I have zero self control.

..I feel like zoey (our dog) gets neglected. she gives me this super sad, super guilt-inducing face when I'm walking out the door and telling her to stay! and I just can't take it sometimes. it makes me understand just a little bit why people give their dogs away after they have babies. I would NEVER give zo away. but i can sympathize a bit.

..we got a new ikea catalog this week. i love looking through it and seeing all the fun things i want. and i get all these fun house decorating ideas! and then i do absolutely nothing about it. and that's about how that goes!

..still working two jobs. honestly i have no idea how long i will be working two jobs, but honestly, working two jobs (plus the mommy job) is for the birds.

..we're about to embark on (finally) building a new garage. after jae went through and showed me all the people we'll be hiring and stuff we have to pay for, we just might be selling our house to pay for this garage. but hey, there will be a nice new garage! that the new owners can use..

..ever since becoming a mom, it's funny how I've somehow become one of those moms that suddenly needs to go through the mcdonalds drive through just for a drink (usually dp or blue powerade). i never did this before. does it just happen magically once you have a baby in the back seat or what? but in their (and my) defense, mcdonalds drinks are only $1 for any size. so. yeah.

..just recently we got a new lion puzzle for gracie. and we also took her to the zoo for the first time. between those two things, jae has been teaching her how to raaawr! like a lion. so now when you ask her what a lion says, she totally like deep-throat growls at you. it's adorable.

..i'm kind of confused when i think about having multiple children (even just more than one) and how i'm supposed to keep my life straight. and their lives straight. as i was driving into work today, i was making a mental list of things to do this weekend (i always make a weekend to-do list), and it was just kind of amazing how many things i have to remember and get done and wash and pack and pick up or drop off and work schedules and which job am i working today? and feeding the baby and feeding the dog and feeding myself. and then i remembered...i only have one baby. what happens when i have more? and then i felt like the answer to that question was simply that my brain would explode. gives me anxiety just thinking of those to-do lists.

..and then i thought about all of that (above) and i just chuckled. i didn't think i could manage one baby and i'm totally doing not half bad at it! (not that i ever cook more than once a week or dust or have laundry not stacked to the ceiling). but we're living and thriving and that is good enough for today.

..we've had cooler weather lately (and by cooler i mean 80's and some rain) and it's been AMAZING. loving it!

..i chopped my hair a few weeks ago. like 6 or 7 inches. i haven't had this short of hair since like, 2008. and before that? junior high. it feels new and refreshing. and takes 1/4 of the time to blow dry. BUT. it's short. it is what it is, right? some days i love it. some days i don't love it.

..i've decided if i was wealthy and could pay people to do every-day life stuff for me, i would hire someone to go grocery shopping (ugh i just hate it!), someone to deep clean my house, and someone to cook. i'm fine to do laundry and dishes and the occasional vacuuming and general pick-up, but buying and hauling groceries home? and having to come up with dinner and then making it daily? meh.

..jae and i have had a few redbox movie nights lately, which is something that long went by the wayside for a few months. any movie watching, really, hasn't happened for awhile. i just get too sleepy and fall asleep so i don't even want to start one. and it feels like by the time we both get home, get dinner, and get gracie to bed i don't want to have to think about anything, including following a story line in a movie. but we've gotten back on track with movie nights (something we've always loved and used to do a lot), and i've loved it. it feels like we're dating again and it's the best feeling!

..speaking of feeling like we're dating again, if i'd ever regularly blog about life events then i'd have already blogged about this, but since i don't....jae and i got to steal away late one night and watch fireworks together. gracie was long since asleep, so grandma came over to make sure she stayed that way while i met jae in farmington to watch fireworks. it seriously felt like we were back in high school, dating. it was AWESOME. we were surrounded by little high school kids and were baby-less and holding hands and out of the house and it was past 9pm and it was just so funny how almost giddy i was and i loved every second of that 30 minutes we spent together. oh i loved it.

..we also went on a saturday afternoon date last weekend (i will blog about that separately later) sans baby and it was magical. it only lasted about 2.5 hrs but it was a great 2.5 hrs away from the house and our girls (gracie and zo pup, of course) and enjoy each others company.

..i bought gracie the cutest little sunhat (pictured below). she practically immediately pulled it off every time i put it on her at the store, but it was just so adorable on her and i wanted her to love it and wear it. so i bought it anyway, knowing it was probably a dumb idea. i ended up returning it 2 days later. if only she'd appreciate fashion the way i want her to ;)

annnd i guess that's about all that's bouncing around in my head lately. lots of random nothings, really. life is just busy and i'm just trying to keep up. but we do manage to squeeze some fun stuff in between poopy diapers and work, and that's all we can do! and it's a great life!

a whirlwind.

june is over in 5 days.
where the heck did this month go?
i have been working both my jobs, still training at my new one, which means i'm usually clocking 40 hours a week.
i had gotten used to only 24 a week, so this 40 hours plus baby plus husband plus puppy plus church plus grocery shopping plus laundry plus.....life. well, i'm feeling a little frazzled to be completely frank.
i'm working until midnight. i'm working at 5am. i'm trying to find time to do laundry and bathe my baby and eat some lunch. and it's been harder than you might think.
i'm exhausted.
but every time i start doubting things..
every time the fear that perhaps i made the wrong choice with this second job..
i'm immediately reminded that no, this is the right thing to be doing now.
this all worked out for a reason and i'll figure out all the why's someday.
so i just keep getting up and running around like a crazy person and closing my eyes for a quick 30 second nap whenever i can and pushing forward.
'cuz what else am i going to do, right?!

and because these people - my people - they're all so worth it. 

sometimes life takes you places & you don't know why.

so i accepted a job offer today.

not just a new job, but a new job in addition to my current job.
sounds cray cray right? i know.
i have felt like a complete crazy person the last few days. 

when i was pregnant with gracie, i made a great effort to be able to work part time once she arrived. it was a long shot, seeing as my department just doesn't really "do" part timers. but i asked...more than once....and turns out another employee was asking for part time hours at the same time i was, and so my manager worked out a job sharing of sorts so we could both drop our hours. hallelujah, i was super happy!

it's been going well - i work 3 days a week. not bad at all. it was a bit of a stress to figure out babysitting for those 3 days, though (without having to send gracie to daycare and pay a bunch of money), and while i am SO grateful for our families that have graciously stepped in and take such good care of our baby girl while we're away, it isn't exactly ideal for us. while i also don't exactly hate getting a few hours away every week and being with grown-ups, it would be less stressful and just easier in general for me to be home with her and not have to worry about others having to watch her (and potentially future babies) for us.

but then there's that pesky little business of money. income. bills. debts.

and then also there are dreams. a functional, usable garage. storage. being able to eat out once a week without worrying about money. being able to buy gracie everything she needs and even some wants too. buying groceries every week without worrying how much the total will be and if there's enough in the bank account to cover it. maybe actually getting a date night that involves more than just sitting on our couch after gracie is asleep and sharing a carton of ice cream (don't get me wrong - i love ice cream!). 

in the end, the numbers just don't quite add up, and it's not realistic for me to stay home. at least not at this point in our lives. so i must work.

so anyway, back to the 3 days a week i currently work....it's been good. but jae and i are constantly trying to think of ways for me to (eventually) be a stay at home momma. open up a boutique? sell stuff through online stores? make little kid accessories to sell? join one of those companies and possibly make decent money by bugging my friends to buy stuff from me all the time? learn how to cut hair? nanny a bunch of kids that aren't mine and possibly go insane from it?

nothing really seemed to feel quite right or make sense. so we kind of nixed each idea one by one.

one night a couple weeks ago, i was rocking gracie to sleep, trying to clear my mind. the thought came to me that maybe my answer to this job stuff was to go back to working a job that has evening and weekend shifts. something i could work while jae would be home with gracie that wouldn't require a babysitter. it wasn't just an 'ah hah' moment. it was like a 'duh why didn't you think of that before' moment. the next day, i checked online for job openings at my current facility and other ones close by home. there were a couple PRN/part time ones that looked possibly promising, so i said what the heck and applied for them.

i got called in to interview for both jobs this past tuesday, and was offered one of them (the one i felt more sure about all along) today. and i accepted.

between the time i applied, interviewed, and today, jae and i have been going back and forth about what to do. and if i was to get one of these jobs (we both felt like i would definitely be offered at least one of them), how on earth we'd make it work. because not only would i have this new job, but i'd keep my current job and try to work both. at least for the time being. and then, maybe someday, this second part time job that offers hours during the times that jae can be home would turn into my main job and i could eventually only work that one. the problem is, jae often gets called in to work on saturdays or has to work late during the week, so it's not super promising that he will always be able to be home when i need to work. so then we're back where we started. it's so weird that it seems to make so much sense but it also seems to be so crazy and backwards that i'm trying to figure out how to be home more yet i'm applying for and then accepting a second job. i mean, someone explain that one to me.

i was almost wishing i'd not get offered either job and then my mind would be made up for me and i wouldn't have to make any decisions. i was terrified they'd call with an offer and i'd have no idea what to tell them.

it doesn't exactly make sense. but it kind of does make sense. either way, it is what it is and i start working my second job in a week and a half. on mother's day, of all days. ha! oh the irony.

like i said....CRAZY PERSON. that would be me.
clearly gracie thinks her momma is crazy too.
i'm banking on the hope that someday it'll make sense to both of us.

baby shower ~ work.

i have a pretty awesome group of people i work with.
they're so fun and are always up for any reason to throw a party ;)
they threw me a surprise baby shower "staff meeting".
fresh fruit, no-bake cookies, cake from Granite bakery (my boss is kind of a cake snob - fine by me!).
best staff meeting ever!

richh.

we're eating this at work today:

what are you eating?

ahoy matey.

i was told by a random passerby-er in the hall at work that i look like a sailor today.

{yes - i took these pictures while in the facilities. and yes - i left my badge on my hip for the picture.}

i like sailors and sailor-like things.

so i guess that's a good thing?

do i really look like a sailor though?

oh and hey guys, guess what??!

it's thursday!

that means tomorrow is friday!

yep - i know my days of the week.

cheers to a lovely weekend eve :)

home again, home again.

yes, it's true.

we're back home and back to work.

can you hear my 'boooooing'??!

i think with a mix of jet lag, time change, and daylight savings, we're a bit off on our sleeping schedules. as in, neither Jae or i have slept well the last two nights. 

not sleeping = not cool.

to help ease the transition back into reality, i decided, as one last "we're on vacation..." hurrah, that i'd splurge and buy these little puppies.

yep, one whole pound of almonds covered in a layer of toffee,

and then a layer of chocolate, and then a layer of powdered sugar.