sometimes life takes you places & you don't know why.

so i accepted a job offer today.

not just a new job, but a new job in addition to my current job.
sounds cray cray right? i know.
i have felt like a complete crazy person the last few days. 

when i was pregnant with gracie, i made a great effort to be able to work part time once she arrived. it was a long shot, seeing as my department just doesn't really "do" part timers. but i asked...more than once....and turns out another employee was asking for part time hours at the same time i was, and so my manager worked out a job sharing of sorts so we could both drop our hours. hallelujah, i was super happy!

it's been going well - i work 3 days a week. not bad at all. it was a bit of a stress to figure out babysitting for those 3 days, though (without having to send gracie to daycare and pay a bunch of money), and while i am SO grateful for our families that have graciously stepped in and take such good care of our baby girl while we're away, it isn't exactly ideal for us. while i also don't exactly hate getting a few hours away every week and being with grown-ups, it would be less stressful and just easier in general for me to be home with her and not have to worry about others having to watch her (and potentially future babies) for us.

but then there's that pesky little business of money. income. bills. debts.

and then also there are dreams. a functional, usable garage. storage. being able to eat out once a week without worrying about money. being able to buy gracie everything she needs and even some wants too. buying groceries every week without worrying how much the total will be and if there's enough in the bank account to cover it. maybe actually getting a date night that involves more than just sitting on our couch after gracie is asleep and sharing a carton of ice cream (don't get me wrong - i love ice cream!). 

in the end, the numbers just don't quite add up, and it's not realistic for me to stay home. at least not at this point in our lives. so i must work.

so anyway, back to the 3 days a week i currently work....it's been good. but jae and i are constantly trying to think of ways for me to (eventually) be a stay at home momma. open up a boutique? sell stuff through online stores? make little kid accessories to sell? join one of those companies and possibly make decent money by bugging my friends to buy stuff from me all the time? learn how to cut hair? nanny a bunch of kids that aren't mine and possibly go insane from it?

nothing really seemed to feel quite right or make sense. so we kind of nixed each idea one by one.

one night a couple weeks ago, i was rocking gracie to sleep, trying to clear my mind. the thought came to me that maybe my answer to this job stuff was to go back to working a job that has evening and weekend shifts. something i could work while jae would be home with gracie that wouldn't require a babysitter. it wasn't just an 'ah hah' moment. it was like a 'duh why didn't you think of that before' moment. the next day, i checked online for job openings at my current facility and other ones close by home. there were a couple PRN/part time ones that looked possibly promising, so i said what the heck and applied for them.

i got called in to interview for both jobs this past tuesday, and was offered one of them (the one i felt more sure about all along) today. and i accepted.

between the time i applied, interviewed, and today, jae and i have been going back and forth about what to do. and if i was to get one of these jobs (we both felt like i would definitely be offered at least one of them), how on earth we'd make it work. because not only would i have this new job, but i'd keep my current job and try to work both. at least for the time being. and then, maybe someday, this second part time job that offers hours during the times that jae can be home would turn into my main job and i could eventually only work that one. the problem is, jae often gets called in to work on saturdays or has to work late during the week, so it's not super promising that he will always be able to be home when i need to work. so then we're back where we started. it's so weird that it seems to make so much sense but it also seems to be so crazy and backwards that i'm trying to figure out how to be home more yet i'm applying for and then accepting a second job. i mean, someone explain that one to me.

i was almost wishing i'd not get offered either job and then my mind would be made up for me and i wouldn't have to make any decisions. i was terrified they'd call with an offer and i'd have no idea what to tell them.

it doesn't exactly make sense. but it kind of does make sense. either way, it is what it is and i start working my second job in a week and a half. on mother's day, of all days. ha! oh the irony.

like i said....CRAZY PERSON. that would be me.
clearly gracie thinks her momma is crazy too.
i'm banking on the hope that someday it'll make sense to both of us.