peace & quiet

i must preface this post....it's random and confusing and a bit of a mess. and if you don't stick it out to the end, i certainly can't blame you. here goes.

i'm pretty sure most everyone that reads my blog, knows that i'm a Mormon.

if not, now you know.

i'll be the first to admit, i haven't always been the picture-perfect Mormon girl (especially that teenager phase), but i'm working on mending that every day.

i don't often talk about religion, but some things have been on my mind lately, and since i'm working harder at making sure this blog is a way of journaling, here are some thoughts.

over the last few months, as i've sat in church (especially in sacrament meeting) i've grown more and more impatient. i usually sit towards the back, where most the families with younger kids sit. i've never noticed this before (perhaps because when i was younger we always sat up closer to the front) but between the little kids causing a ruckus and the older people that have to talk really loud to the person sitting next to them because they can't hear, things can be really loud and really distracting. no offense to anyone who has little ones or the older folk that can't hear. but that's the truth of it. 

{i know, i know...you're all saying, 'well, then move to a different place to sit duh!'}

i wanted to be better and i've been trying to work on myself as a person a lot the last few months. and a lot of that involves the Gospel and my religious beliefs. 

so i guess what i'm trying to say is i've actually had a real want to listen in church and hear what's being said. i want to be able to clear my mind of everything else and just focus on a few important things for a few minutes. i want to be able to hear and feel the Spirit.

but with all the noise and people and shuffling around and this and that, it can be really hard! and it makes me crazy sometimes.

but having that in mind, i'm also grateful for it. i feel like i finally want to take full advantage of the time i have to spend out of the world and to just embrace it. i feel like i'm not sure if i ever really had this want and need for myself, and now that it's being messed with, i realize that want is there and it's real.

{does any of this makes sense to anyone else? you know how things make some sort of sense in your head, and then you try to explain it through writing or talking to someone and it seems to get all jumbled? yeah, totally me right now.}

for the past few million months, jae has had to work on sundays. when we first found out that sundays were on his schedule, i cried. i was so sad. it was really hard for me to understand and accept at first. and now, his schedule has finally changed and he's back with me on sundays, and it makes a world of difference. i am so happy

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm grateful for the knowledge that i do have.
i'm grateful for the future and the chances i have to keep learning and growing.
and i'm so super duper glad that jae is there with me now, too.


  1. you two are so cute! I can relate to your feelings. This last sunday eli was so good, I actually got a lot out of the meeting, here's to loving what we CAN get!

  2. This post makes me glad. I'm happy for you. :)

  3. i love this post.

    and i can totally relate. i've gone through periods in my life where i kind of tune out the spirit and i'm at a place now where i crave to feel the spirit, i need it!

    i am so happy jae gets to spend sundays with you again. working on sundays is the worst. when i had to work sundays at verizon for a few months i wanted to cry every single sunday. it was the worst. i was so happy when you told me his schedule was changing! hip hip!

    glad to see you are happy my friend! you make me so proud and i LOOOOOVE you :)

  4. I'm just getting caught up on your blog and wanted to say how much I love you!! I'm so glad I am your sister!! Thanks for this post - it wasn't random or confusing at all. Loved it.